Llena mi tacita: It shouldn’t be this hard to say ‘I love you’

Hola mis tacitas!

A lot of emotions today! So be prepared. Imma be talking about how sometimes in our community, it can be hard to say ‘I love you’ to a parent or family member or, in my case, to my dad. And the possible reasons behind that.

I will warn, that since I will be talking about how hard it is to talk about this and say it and the reasons behind that, it will be emotional. I know it was for me, and I do not know how you will take it, so keep some tissues handy.

I can only speak from what I know from my own family and from listening about the families of others. So my reasoning may not be applicable to others.

I will start with the fact that both of my parents come from small towns or a ranch. Specifically with my dad, he lived on a ranch so all he knew was his family, mainly, until he moved to a town.

Now, if you are living with just your family, you could get used to things that may not be healthy or normal. This can range from harmful habits to, sometimes, abuse. I won’t say too much on my part since… I just won’t, but I learned about some bad things that happened in my family.

Now, sometimes when bad things happen to you, you might not know how to cope with them or how to talk about them. So the most logical thing to do is to bottle those experiences or feelings up, or start to push them away so you don’t have to think about them. Usually, things in the past affect the future, even if you think they won’t, somehow they will. 

Basically, because of what happened in the past and how that affects the present, it can be hard to process certain things, such as how to express your feelings and even knowing how to process your feelings.

Now, there are different ways of expressing love, they’re known as the five love languages: physical touch, quality time, receiving gifts, words of affirmation and acts of service. They’re all pretty self-explanatory, but you can go and do some research on your own if you’re interested. Yet, there are still the words “I love you,” which can be physically hard to say. I know I’ve had trouble saying it. 

Apart from having trouble saying it, in our community it can be hard to hear it. I know I’m kind of repeating myself a lot, but sometimes that’s all you can do when you’re really trying to understand something or really explain it. Sometimes it’s just hard to say and hard to hear “I love you.” And the effects of that could be that you don’t feel the love someone has for you. When it is heard, all the emotions flood through. Sometimes you’re gonna cry, the other person’s gonna cry, and that’s ok. It is ok to cry and let it all out. 

Overall, what I was getting at was that the reason why it’s hard for someone, such as family, to say “I love you” could be the result of experiences in their past and what happened to them. For this, you might have to ask in a delicate way, as to not make them feel ambushed, but also to go in with understanding. It can be hard for them to hear as well. Therefore, if you want this to be said more often, like any habit, y’all will have to get used to saying it — to the point where it doesn’t feel hard to say or hear anymore. It shouldn’t be hard to say or here, yet here we are for some of us, myself included. It shouldn’t be but it is.

So from here, just sit on it for a while and let it resonate with you. Only you can decide what you’re gonna do. This is not to say that it is applicable in all situations, so if you feel like it’s not then I wouldn’t stress too much about it, but at least now you know a bit more about it.