Close Or Codependent?
I've known my best friend since I was 13. Now I'm 20, she's almost 21, and crazy enough now we're living together. She's been there through all my music phases and style changes. I think it's insane that someone I met when I was barely a teenager is now such a big part of my everyday life. But recently, I've also started noticing just how much I depend on her presence, and it's made me wonder where the line between a close friendship and codependency actually is.
Classes are really demanding this year. I feel like all I really do is study but I've noticed that I work the best when she's around. We usually sit together in our living room. We decorated it the way we've always imagined it to be. It's got a plain gray couch with lots of pillows, warm soft lighting, and a pearl colored dining table with fancy white chairs to match. The dining table is mostly where all the work gets done.
We don't necessarily talk or help each other with assignments. We're just there.
And if she ends up going to her room to study, funny enough we both end up there. Other times she'll end up coming to mine. Somehow, we always find ourselves working in the same space.
It's weird because I don't necessarily need her attention. I don't need a conversation or constant interaction. I just like knowing she's there. This made me want to do a little research. I found this concept called Social Baseline Theory, which suggests that the brain expects social connection and that having trusted people nearby can make challenges feel less demanding. Instead of always having to manage stress alone, we can benefit from knowing that someone we trust is close by (Coan, J. A., & Sbarra, D. A. (2015).
When I think about my friendship, I guess this makes a lot of sense. College doesn't suddenly become easier because my best friend is sitting across from me, but I think it can feel more manageable. I still have the same assignments, exams, and responsibilities. The difference is that I'm not experiencing that stress entirely on my own. Her presence is comforting, even when neither of us says a word.
My other friends have told me that this might be a sign of codependency. The word codependency gets thrown around a lot when people talk about relationships, but being close to someone or wanting to spend most of your time with them doesn't automatically mean the relationship is unhealthy. I feel like there's a difference between having someone who makes your life easier and feeling like you can't manage your life without them.
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