clothes that make me wonder if eve should have put the apple back

this pair of half-short, half-long pant pants by shein

You know when you’re trying to sleep and it’s too hot to be completely covered by the blanket, but if both of your legs are out in the open, you know for a fact a demon is going to pop out from underneath the bed and yank you under and the only thing that gives you peace for the night is having one leg in and one leg out?

this pair of jean sandal boots by DaniKshoes

This feels like witnessing someone’s intrusive thoughts. I don’t know what I hate more. The pocket on one ankle and button on the other, the matching toenail color or the completely jean sole? A mystery for the ages.

these pants by Nordstrom

I don’t know if the plastic knees or the super high ankle cut makes me more uncomfortable. I feel like I’m seeing things that I’m not meant to see. The embarrassment you’ll have if you start sweating and cloud up your kneecaps.

this jacket can double as an aeroplane neck pillow

Have you ever wanted to just stay at home and not be bothered by people wanting to hang out? Look no further! This bright green nightmare will make sure no one asks you to hang out with them in public ever again.

My very valid question is, how one would put these on? There are clearly buttons so do you just button each leg or do you slip them on like cursed long socks? And is the only thing you can wear underneath these “pants” a long shirt to cover your modesty? Or is there a pair of jean shorts that hook into these to complete them into an actual pair of jeans?

What if I told you that you can pay actual money to look like you’ve rolled around in the mud? Worse yet, what if I told you this was almost $500? And, the final nail in this unstylish coffin, what if I told you there was a matching pair of jeans?