Comparison: The Thief or Giver of Joy

Comparing ourselves to others is a completely natural cognitive mechanism. By relating to others, we can easily assess our own standards and capabilities. Yet, most of us believe that comparison deprives us of motivation, discourages us from taking action, and lowers our self-esteem. 

I’ve often heard “comparison is the thief of joy” or “the worst thing you can do is compare yourself to others”. But what if comparing ourselves to others gives us a powerful push forward rather than dragging us down? What if we correct a few mistakes we make and watch it turn out to be more fruitful than we could have imagined? 

I am eating my words a bit, because I have shared with you all that comparing ourselves to others leads to demise, but maybe I was viewing this process from the wrong perspective. I like to question my own views. Doing so helps us understand ourselves better and helps us evolve. 

To start, we often idealize others’ paths, especially when we know nothing about them, and end up downplaying the value of our successes. I will admit that it is much easier to punish ourselves than to reward ourselves for a success. We see our mistakes more visibly because we have expectations regarding our future, among other things. 

Doing so leads to a pretty illogical behavior when we compare our own processes, which naturally involve chaos, doubt, and difficulty, with someone else’s end result. We did not see their failures, stagnation, or moments of failure. Comparison is easiest in moments of extreme weakness. When we are feeling frustrated or a failure, looking at someone else’s successes and blame ourselves for not being in the same position. Our brains then run with this idea, confirming that we are not worth anything. 

Such a comparison lies in analyzing someone’s strategy. How did they get to where they are? How do I do that? We see what steps they took, begin to understand their perception of success, and notice what was key in getting them to where they are. Each path is different, but this process can serve as a starting point, setting standards for ourselves and helping us realize that someone else’s success is not a threat to our own, but rather a destination. If someone else did it, we can do it too. 

Insights for Analyzing:

• Where you currently stand

• What is achievable 

• What you can learn

• Realistic standards

Could this process help us gain a valuable perspective and remind us that another’s success is not an attack or obstacle to our own, but rather fuel for our own actions? Will we see this information about where we are and where we can go, rather than being told we are not good enough? 

Maybe we can use this for ourselves and treat it as a sign that the place we are striving for exists and is waiting for us to get there at our own pace. On our own time. 

With love,

Kierstyn

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