Let's Talk
TW: Discussions of SA will be mentioned. Read at your own discretion.
I am angry. When will women know peace? When will we stop suffering at the hands of men who do not know what the word "No" means? I am outraged because yet again another story of a young woman who was sexually assaulted has surfaced and all seven of her perpetrators have gotten away with it by only getting a slap on the wrist. Their punishment? Writing an essay. 'The Cornell 7" is yet another reminder as to why women who are victims of sexual assault never come forward and are too afraid to. Society has become too comfortable asking the woman what she did in order for her to have resulted in getting raped instead of asking the perpetrator in question, why they did the raping. Society is not angry enough. Men, YOU aren't angry enough. How can you let other men get away with such heinous acts. Women are the givers of life. We decide who comes into this world and yet we are repaid by acts of violence. These women are your mothers, daughters, sisters, cousins and friends. We should all be protecting one another and extending a helping hand instead of wanting to conquer the other.
Instead of teaching our daughters how to avoid the gaze of a lustful man, how to dress "modestly" and how to be safe walking home alone at night, we should be teaching young men to respect women and the people around them. We should be teaching them the importance of consent, how a woman is more than just her body and how violence is never the answer.
Now I want to turn my attention to whoever is reading this post. No matter who you are, if you have ever been a victim of assault or have experienced a time where you felt unsafe or uncomfortable: You are seen and you are valid. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise or try to fault you in any way for it. The only person who is to blame would be the person who harmed you. You are an amazing individual, and you have so much life inside of you, do not let an event or others dim your light. Whether you choose to speak up or not is a choice only YOU can make. So, take your time, heal and spend time with the people around you who make you feel happy and safe. You are strong, resilient and you will be okay, even if things don't exactly feel that way right now. You matter and you are loved. Never forget that.
I'd like to end this post by giving a mini educational lesson on a few common misconceptions about assault that are integral to know. A critique I always hear from people are people always criticizing the woman for not reporting it right away. "If a woman doesn't report it right away and reports it months to years later, that must mean it's fake and she's asking for attention!" That statement would be false, many survivors don't usually report it right away due to things like fear, embarrassment, shame and concerns of not being believed. Despite the belief that false accusations of sexual assault are common, research examining reports made to law enforcement generally places the rate of confirmed or classified false reports from 2-10%, which is not anywhere close to a majority.
Many people believe that sexual assault attacks are committed by strangers, but it is actually committed by someone the survivor was either acquaintances with or was in a relationship with. This is important to know because it helps us understand even more why the person might not report it and be hesitant about it. Finally, a big misconception that I tend to hear a lot is if the survivor was intoxicated when the assault occurred then she is responsible for what happened. This is false. Drinking alcohol does not give another person permission to have sex with someone who cannot give consent. Intoxication is only relevant to understanding how an assault occurred, it does not transfer responsibility for the assault onto who was drinking. I will be putting my sources below:
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