♡♡♡Lonely Hearts Advice Column♡♡♡
Welcome to UIC Radio’s Week of Love!! We asked for your relationship problems, crush quandaries and all your questions about love… and you delivered. A few of our expert bloggers here at UIC Radio have taken it upon themselves to take a crack at your romantic plights. We hope you have an enlightening, or at least entertaining, time reading.
Have fun this Valentine’s week, and most importantly stay safe. Without further ado, I present to you UIC Radio’s Lonely Hearts Advice Column!!
~ Sheri ♡
Q. I hope to share a story as anonymously as possible 😭
A LITTLE context before I share my situation. I emphasize LITTLE as I don’t wish for this story to sound too familiar… for all I know they could be listening at this very moment. Last semester I met a fellow UIC student. We met through a course group chat and we got along very well. We chatted frequently: I’d like to highlight 2 notably interesting conversations that went on (with almost instantaneous replies) for about 2 hours each. It felt like a true connection. I admit the individual shared qualities that I deemed attractive. I admit I had never met this person in real life. I admit that I went into Federal Bureau of Investigation Mode.
I found the persons Instagram account and found them to be physically attractive. A friend and I even saw them walk past us without them knowing we knew who they were. Now. I’m not quite sure how to word this next portion of the story as I don’t wish to make it longer that what it already is. Down to the bare bone: there was an inconvenience where I found myself in need of company. I debated internally on what to do next when the idea of them came to mind. By this time I had just met this individual in person but I figured what harm could a question do. Well! What a decision that was.
For this person, you could say, SAVED my ass from loneliness and we attended together. At this point this individual was growing on me without their knowing. I grew fond of them, and their behavior that day just INTENSIFIED the feeling. Sure they did basic courteous human interactions but as we all know, these interactions could mean so much when in a different mindset. 😳 My friends knew of my feelings toward this person now. As customary, we went further into investigation and found out that this great person with excellent qualities had, at NO surprise, a partner.
I admit the news was saddening, not that I thought of pursuing this person at any point in time, but saddening nonetheless. Days after the individuals heroic actions, reply rate began to slow. Conversation began to grow dim. Their interest grew smaller. After many great conversations how could it just die down in this way??? I’m confident enough to tell you, a firm believer in fact, that I did not reveal my feelings or gave any clue as to what was on my mind. For I truly did not wish to pursue (although I would not have minded if anything were to arise if they were single) (but it’s not like I had a chance regardless)
Today we have a course in common, yet it feels like that is not the case. After basically losing a new friend, for I tried my best to keep it going, I eventually realized it was a one way effort. On this day, as I write this at 12:11 am, I have not received a reply back, or even a read notification. As I reminisce on what it once was… I did something I knew was not the best. This is my reasoning: DUE TO the psychological effect of the nighttime on our brain chemistry I was MOMENTARILY in my feels and I reacted EMOTIONALLY rather than logically. This lead me to revisit a previous conversation from a certain individual to recall the good vibes that were exchanged in the beginning. Now I do not approve of this behavior but I couldn’t help but scroll all the way back and remember the potential that there was 😤 the friendship that could have been created. I guess I’m starting to think about this individual due to the month we’re in. I hate to admit that I am curious to see what their post will be like in the fourteenth day of the month of February. I would like to see what this couple will be up to, even though I know it’ll have a bitter taste 😤
We were on our way to a nice friendship, in my opinion. And now they do not even care to reply. What happened? I’m not sure. Why? Could not tell you. What I can say is that as much I try to look down on this person for making our friendship one way… I continue to think and look for them whenever on campus. Hoping to run into them or at the very least see them. Our sense of humor was great, we helped each other academically at one point 😵💫 Now it’s all in the past.
– lost connections
A. Forming a crush on someone, doesn’t always mean they will have one on you. There are people who are very “friendly” without trying to be. They may not be flirting with you directly, but you on the other hand, may interpret it a different way. Being in a relationship, sometimes you can lack forming friendships and that is why this person may have started talking to you.
First, you finding out they had a partner from social media and not from them can be because of 2 things. One; they only had intentions to be a friend for you which is why it may have taken them a bit longer to bring up the relationship. Or 2; they wanted it to be a secret (because the communication ended oddly, I’m leaning more towards this one). Second, the conversation ending abruptly either means, they got bored or their partner was not okay with the communication going on between you both (and I am leaning towards this one as well).
Like you mentioned, when we have a crush, we over analyze everything they do and try to connect their actions in a way to make us think they like us too. For your case, I think their partner may have not been okay with the “friendship.” Maybe they saw how interested you were in the specific conversations you both were having and raised their “relationship radar.”
In my opinion, having a crush on someone who is in a relationship is not wrong, but you can’t expect them to contact you again and you also can’t reach out either because your intentions aren’t in the right place. What I mean by this is, I wouldn’t want someone who has a crush on my partner to reach out because the attention they are expecting from my partner, is different from one you receive in a friendship.
Because you both talked for some time consistently, I know it is hard to move forward, but they’re are plenty of single, no strings attached, people at UIC who you can meet and will give you the attention, time, and interest you want and deserve.
To end this off on a good note, here are 3 of some of my fave love/romance movies I recommend watching this February 14th…
Notting Hill (1999)
How to Lose A Guy in 10 days (2003)
Love, Rosie (2014)
~ Samantha Dorado
Q. Yo, i saw your recent post for valentines. I need some help, there’s this girl i like she’s really sweet, i met her 3 weeks ago, how long should i wait before i ask her out? Also how do i ask her to go to an anime movie with me? thanks!
– crushing boy
A. Hi! Thank you for submitting! I’ve been in a similar situation as you before. It’s so hard because you don’t know how they feel so you don’t want to over step. I always think the right way to go is to develop a friendship first and then once you feel comfortable in that position, drop some hints! There is no correct timeline for when to ask her out; it may take a few weeks, it may take a few days. Who knows! It doesn’t hurt to try. When asking her out, I think doing it casually is the best way. Just bring up an anime movie you’ve been wanting to go to, and then see if she wants to come with! If you want to make it known that it’s a “date” and not just a “hangout,” just add “as a date” at the end of your proposal! Again, it doesn’t hurt to try. Remember to be respectful and good luck!
Q. i was a part of a larger friend group at the beginning of last semester, but we all kind of broke off. well everyone except me and my one friend, Baker. Baker and i started hanging out more, we had no other friends lol, and we grew closer and, idk when it happened, but i started to develop feelings for them. at first it wasn’t that big of a deal, I’d get little butterflies when they stood close, but eventually i found myself thinking of them all day. all day and all night id see their face in my dreams. but they’re my only friend like i legit don’t hang out with anyone else. plus they’ve recently started seeing this guy, it’s nothing serious but it seems to make them happy and i like seeing them happy. i want to tell Baker about my feelings, because it’s literally driving me crazy but i don’t want to make things awkward or lose my only real friend. what should i do?
– hopeless romantic
A. Hi – hopeless romantic – first ask yourself this: “Do I really like this person or do I like the idea of them?” Unfortunately, our brains are capable of creating scenarios in our head that leave us liking the idea of a person more than the person themselves. If your answer is yes, you really, really, really, like them and all their qualities, then let’s move on. Now I want you to look inward and ask yourself: “What makes me want a relationship with this person?” If you have something battling yourself on the inside it is possible to become infatuated with another person in a subconscious thought that this person could potentially fix this battle.
~ Victoria Trax