My relationship with clothes

My baby just chilling on my bed taken by me <3

Long time no see my tunes!

Hope your summer break has been sooooooooo cool, fun, amazing, and the break you deserve after finishing spring semester. I’m gonna be honest, I genuinely clocked out of the semester by April…… It's something about the weather constantly changing that messed up my rhythm. Being back home has definitely help me regain a bit of my spark. Mainly it was moving back to my childhood home and throwing away a lot of my wardrobe. I wouldn’t call myself a hoarder, but I definitely have a hard time throwing away clothes. Whenever I look at my wardrobe, I always tell myself three things: “I can make a new item out of this!”, “I got/wore this during a core event”, “Once I lose enough weight, I can wear it again”. While there is nothing inherently wrong with this thinking, I haven’t cleaned my closet in years. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t have space in my closet or two dressers after moving back in. It’s lowkey overflowing…… Since the beginning of this year, I’ve had the goal to work on creating a sense of style. I just haven’t gotten to it. I mean I’ve created like mood boards, but I haven’t bought any pieces. Mainly because I’ve been scared of dressing the way I want to. I’ve felt like I don't have the confidence nor the physique to pull it off. Which is bull crap. Genuinely…. like it’s crazy I’ve been feeling like this for almost half the year. Sometimes you really are your biggest enemy. Doing a deep clean of my closet has definitely change my perspective. It has made sit down with these uncomfortable feelings and dissect them. By the end of the week, all I could think of was “man, that was stupid…” At the end of the day, I’m the only who has to deal with myself every single day so I should dress the way that makes me happy. Sure, it’ll be hard and there's still a ton of perspectives i need to deconstruct, but seriously… I’m the only person who can live my life. I’ve genuinely felt that throughout the clothes because so many pieces held memories full of shame, sadness, and anger. While I would love to pretend that side of me never existed, it would be a disservice to hold myself accountable for my past. All I can do is just learn from my mistakes and just continue to grow as a person. Also, not every piece I’m letting go of has this much depth behind it. Some clothes I’ve genuinely grown out of.

Either way I won’t be throwing away my clothes. I’ll be handing over the two bags to a friend of mine whose family helps people get back on their feet. They accept donations for household items as well, but clothes are what they actively look for. I didn’t want to sell my clothes on Depop or give them to goodwill/random charity. If I have the means to buy new clothes signifies that I don’t need to sell my clothes. Also, I want to make sure they go to someone I can trust and will help people out. I’ll give an update on how that goes once I hand them off to her!

Thanks for reading about yapping about clothing and memories. I see y’all in two weeks!

Love,

Sashis