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The GIST Of All Spring Break Sports

Jack Ohmer | Posted on April 05, 2019


The GIST Of All Spring Break Sports

After what seemed like an eternity of waiting desperately for a sense of joy and purpose to come back into my life yet again, I finally cleansed myself of all of my sports demons over Spring Break. Sure, I might not have gotten off of my couch for an entire week, but that’s the beauty of a break. So, if you were out enjoying the beautiful weather like a normal functioning human in society, you’ve come to the right place. Here’s the GIST of everything you missed:

I should have known before filling out my March Madness bracket this year that it would cost me at least one mental breakdown and a verbal altercation with a friend. I should have known that I was going to spend at least $300 in wings, beer, and bad gambling decisions as well. Most importantly, I should have known that I’m not a better person than that. My impulsivity repeatedly leaves me with the Sunday Scaries on a weekly basis and I never learn. But you know what? You have to experience pain in order to be able to experience true happiness. I’m actually not even upset with where this tournament has taken me so far. I’ve come to terms with the fact that no matter what I do in preparation I’m still going to end up losing and it’s been exciting to figure out how I’m going to screw up next time. I knew that Duke wasn’t going to make it. Year after year they continue to impress me with their ability to lose in The Elite 8 or The Final Four. I think that they’ve become so accustomed to coming up short that they’ve forgotten that the tournament goes into April. As for Tom Izzo and his screaming match with Michigan State Freshman Aaron Henry, everyone needs to calm down. It’s a coach’s job to ride his players and, in my opinion, it’s more effective. Players and coaches shouldn’t be best friends. That’s not what sports are about. You come to win, and Tom Izzo’s track record of having now 8 Final Four appearances along with multiple students who stay with his program for 4 years gives him the right to act the way that he did. As for Auburn, I think that Bruce Pearl needs to have a camera on him at all times. This guy’s sweat is legendary and his energy makes me want to run through a brick wall. Anyways, The Final Four matchups are set up for this Saturday (4/6/19), with Auburn Taking on Virginia at 5:09 pm and Texas Tech going up against Michigan State at 7:49 pm Central Time.

Baseball also started up last week on March 28th with my beloved St. Louis Cardinals losing 3 out of their first 4 games to the Brewers and that God-sent angel Christian Yelich. I still can’t tell if he’s Pete Davidson with a better tan or not but man is this kid good. He already has 4 home runs and a game-winning double that brought the Brewers back from a 3 run deficit. The Cubs are also starting off with a losing record against the Texas Rangers so I guess that makes me a little less sad. Yes, If you haven’t figured it out by now, I’m not a Cubs fan at all. My dad raised me the right way. The White Sox haven’t been relevant in years and it sucks that Manny Machado had to toy with him the way that he did but they’ve started off 1-2 against the Kansas City Royals.

If anyone reading this cares about Golf, 17-year-old Akshay Bhatia made his pro debut at the Valspar Championship last week, finishing in the top 100 but getting cut after Friday. I truly don’t know how these kids can get so good at a young age, but I’m sure that it helped him out quite a bit by dropping out of high school to focus strictly on becoming a professional athlete. He probably isn’t going to turn out to be the next Tiger Woods, but still, what were you guys doing at that age?

P.S. Everyone pray for our Chicago Blackhawks. They could be knocked out of playoff contention after their game against the Winnipeg Jets.


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