The Sorrows of Creation
Good after morning something. As of writing this, I turn 20 in less than a week. No longer a teenager. But it doesn’t really matter, because in ten years I won’t be in my 20s, and another ten years I won’t be in my 30s, and so on and so forth. I’ve been really creatively blocked lately, maybe even for a long time, but I can’t really tell. I just feel like I’m so busy that when I do have free time, I just sit and fool around instead of making things. I think I was just talking about this, but I kinda talk about it all the time. Creation is the bane of any creator's existence. Ugh I’m hungry. I’m going to go eat lunch. Hey I’m back. Anyways. I really want to make things. I sit myself down. I pull all of my materials out to work. I tell myself to work, but I just can’t. Nothing comes out, and I do more staring at the page or fiddling with my tools than creating. I guess it’s worth the effort regardless, right? I don't know. Are there rules to this type of stuff?
I feel busy all the time. I'm busy this week, I put it upon myself, kinda. My dad invited me to a concert in Wisconsin with VIP tickets. I feel like I’m beginning to develop zoochosis, so I obliged. The following day, I have an exam and then have to get up at 7 am to go to St. Louis for a wedding. It could always be worse, I constantly tell myself. Whoosh. Halloween weekend knocked me out as well. I always think going out and doing so many things would make me so excited and inspired to create something, but it'll just tire me so much. On the other hand, even thinking of creating makes me tired. There's no winning! I really don’t know how I could pull all-nighters when I was 14, but only 5 years later I feel completely wiped out when I stay up til 11 pm. Maybe my life isn’t stimulating enough, but I don’t really want it to be stimulating. I’ve never been able to find a good balance between the two. The good and bad. The joy and pain. YouTube and Tubi are just too engaging. My two loves, I always end up back with them. AdultSwim too, but we’re on the down-low right now.
I’m overall just questioning my process. I really just want to sit down and create whatever comes to mind, but even when I do this, I need some sort of plan. If I’m painting I need the right colors and set up, editing I’d need to film, drawing I’d usually want a reference of some sort. I don’t know. I really just need to shut up, but I shouldn’t tell myself that. Creating is about questioning and discovering. ACK. I don’t know. I DON’T KNOW. I’ll figure it out. Any suggestion? Any questions? (David S. Pumpkins)
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