to my dad

life has been different since you left 

difficult

things don’t come as easily as they used to

nor should they 

first father’s day without you

i thought id be able to get through it fine

but i heard a lyric

smelled a cigarette

saw the sun 

and thought of you 

my 21st birthday passed

i know you knew how excited i was to finally hit 21

finally legal

the world at my fingertips

but your death felt like my hands cut off

i don’t want to reach if you’re not there to hold me 

having my first legal drink 

the expiration date is your birthday

one you’ll never celebrate with me 

but it makes me feel connected to you 

you’re here

energy floating around me 

feeling me grow up 

my uncles laugh

my cousins humor

my grandpas stories

all you in different pieces

wishing i could feel you again but knowing 

i’ll feel you in little moments forever

in cigarettes

in lyrics

in the sun

in the sound of the guitar

i miss you

and i always will.