Why Does Productivity Feel So Hard?
- lsibu2
- 1 day ago
- 3 min read
Since coming to college, I have found that I spend more of my time either at the library or on campus than I do at my own home. Sometimes I even sleep less than four or five hours just for the sake of being "productive." But is it even worth it?
Why is it that whenever you have even an ounce of free time, it's easier to call yourself unproductive than treat it like a genuine break?
College is supposed to be one of the most important parts of our lives. In college, we start becoming adults, we gain independence, we grow and develop ourselves, and we try to understand where we fit in. College could be the best time of our lives, but it's also very stressful and confusing. It's the time when we're figuring things out about ourselves while also trying to juggle the things around us. To me, it just feels like this never-ending love-hate relationship.
I genuinely hate that we only get four years to figure out our lives, plan them accordingly, and once the four years are up, we're expected to know exactly what to do and immediately work, and pray that we don't suck at our jobs. In our society, people who don't work or don't work hard enough are looked down upon and not taken seriously. We’re told that success comes from grinding, from always doing more, from never stopping. But when does that end?
Nearly 90,000 hours of our lives are spent working to make ends meet, and that doesn't even include the years we spend in school learning and preparing for it. It's honestly insane when you think about it. Humans are animals too, and last time I checked, other animals don't go to this length to live, so why do we? What is so important about working hard and having a job?
I think a lot of it comes down to fear.
At least for me, it does.
I fear falling behind and not being successful enough. I am scared that if I slow down, even for a split second, I'm somehow wasting time or ruining my future. My mind is always racing with everything that I have to do, to the point where I feel like I can't keep up with myself.
I don't know if it's like this for anyone else, but for me, it feels like there's a constant worry in the back of my mind telling me I should be doing something more "productive." No matter what I did, it never really felt like enough, and I ended up learning the hard way what that mentality can have on you.
There was a time during this semester when I ended up collapsing at the UIC library, and I embarrassingly got stretchered out of the building in an ambulance to the hospital.
I remember passing out at one of the front desks, and the next thing I knew it I woke up to the front desk aid frantically trying to blow cold air into my face with this tiny fan, and paramedics were standing in front of me checking to make sure I was okay. My heart dropped when I saw the bed they had next to them, and I tried getting up, telling them I was okay, but everything felt so heavy, and they still made me get on the bed. I was so embarrassed. But I was more than that, I was so anxious about missing my exam and wasting the time I had before the test.
I was more worried about studying over my own health because, in my head, that felt more productive. Believing that my worth depended on how much I could get done, no matter what it costs me, is not normal. I think that's when it really hit me that things needed to change.
Not in a dramatic, sudden-revelation way, where I suddenly have everything figured out, but more like a slow, uncomfortable realization that I have been pushing myself too much for too long. I'm still learning how to slow myself down and unlearn the mentality that rest and breaks are good, not a waste of time. It's still a work in progress. Someday, I will catch myself feeling guilty for not doing anything, even if I needed to. But I'm beginning to realize that taking care of yourself is just as important, if not more, when it comes to success.
Maybe college isn't about having everything figured out and always being perfect, but it's more about understanding your limits and unlearning the pressure to prove that you're doing enough, because most of the time, you already are.
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