An Anti-Online Winter
In the Spring, Summer, and early Fall, it is much easier for us to step away from constantly being on social media.
We stay outside a lot, go on holiday, and realize that we need to make the most of these warmest days in a completely different way than staring at our phones. So we're trying to explore other ideas to fill the time.
It is already October; November is right around the corner, and then the long Winter months will come.
This means there is a certain acceptance of bed-rotting.
Lying in bed for hours looking at a screen, scrolling with your finger, and not even noticing how morning turns into evening. We start to feel lonelier, more bored, and in need of an escape. Sometimes we even unconsciously pull back from life, cutting ourselves off from people. We reach for our phones, as sad as it may sound, to reconnect with others to feel more lively, without being able to put that energy into anything more.
We tell ourselves, “These times require it, and when March comes, we will wake up again and start living.” But there are several months until March, do we really want them to blend into one blank, monotonous mass?
It does not seem like a bad thing to you, because your brain does not have a chance to speak up. It is constantly drowned out by other voices, from Substack, Instagram, podcasts, YouTube, and more. When are you supposed to focus on your own thoughts? We even use our phones right before bed. And if we are without it, we panic as all those uncomfortable thoughts flood our minds. It terrifies us, so we reach for our phones to escape them.
Sometimes I see people exchanging hundreds of comments in arguments over the tiniest things on TikTok, literally hours of replying to something where it is clear from the start that neither person is going to let it go. And I know this stems from dopamine, the emotions that come with it, the attention, and the desire to be heard and noticed by more people.
I am sure many people will say, “That does not relate to me,” but it usually relates to all of us. These apps know exactly what they are doing when they hook us.
I know how long it took me to free myself from this easily. When I tell someone that I currently run three Instagram accounts, everyone thinks, “You must spend a lot of time on that platform,” But I am just constantly creating. I write and make posts. I look for inspiration. I jot down ideas. Contrary to appearances, I hardly ever scroll because I have to devote a significant amount of time to publishing content regularly, so I do not have any left to engage with anyone else’s feed.
I admit that this is not complete freedom, but at least I am glad that I am CREATING and showing it to a wider audience. The internet, however, gives our work the chance to be seen. So I am still dependent on it in some way, but I also understand that it is the reason so many opportunities have come into my life.
Is it Hard?
Honestly? It used to be. As a teenager, I spent a huge amount of time on my phone. It was my little world where I could escape from reality. We all know what it is like to be a teenager. It can be a really tough phase.
It is not that I have completely banned myself from doing it, but seeing it as a “reward” is not good either. The celebration of my hard work should be something that lets me relax right now. And we do not relax when we are on our phones, not even a little, even though we believe we do.
When we feel like “I need to rest and do nothing,” we mistake it for scrolling. I know, because I used to lie like that to myself, too. And when I stopped doing it, a strange emptiness set in. What now? I will not be up to date on anything.
I was focusing on things that made me feel stuck in one place, as if everyone else was doing something interesting except me, as if I was not striving for anything.
This is the moment when you realize that you are keeping up with everything except your own life.
I have mentioned many times before that the “cold period” is a time when we need to give ourselves a break and let ourselves regenerate, because we are human and function just like the rest of nature. To blossom, we need to recover our strength.
But we will not do that by aimlessly scrolling through apps. It will not inspire us, calm us, or relax us. It will put us under even more pressure, lower our mood, and increase our anxiety. You will not have the energy to create or even to do the bare minimum.
That is why you need to focus these months on learning how to function while accepting that your energy levels will be lower, you will be more detached, and doing anything beyond your basic responsibilities will require more effort.
Every day, force yourself to do one activity that brings you fully back to reality and helps you stay focused by leaving your phone at home or in another room.
Going for a walk, but without headphones or a podcast
Cooking
Studying in a place that demands your full attention, such as a library or a group meeting/get together with a friend (because then you will feel that if others are doing it, you should too
Working out
Do not let your home become your whole world; have places you can go to if you do not know what to do with yourself. Suppose you can, do not do everything in bed. Otherwise, once you get under the covers, you will automatically turn on the impulse to scroll or work instead of resting.
Pick 3 or 4 things you need to do in the morning before you reach for your phone, such as brushing your teeth, making tea, making your bed, and stretching. The point is not to start scrolling right away. Why?
You will struggle to leave it aside afterward, since the number of notifications, updates, and posts will simply prevent you from doing anything else.
This will lead to either procrastination in the morning, which certainly does not motivate you to take on additional tasks later (since you feel like you have already failed right from the start), or to anxiety (because you have barely woken up and you are already exposed to intense, controversial content that prevents your brain from gradually adapting to the rhythm of the day).
I have noticed that afterward, I cannot fully appreciate my meal or take a moment for self-care, because I am constantly thinking about which email I need to reply to, what I have to post today, and what has happened.
Besides, it is surprising how much we are capable ot getting done in the morning without notifications, even when we are not in a hurry. We are just focused on it.
Take the initiative. I know that in the Winter it is harder to socialize, and when no one invites us, we stay at home, and our phones are our only option. Remember that asking someone out, organizing get-togethers, or suggesting ideas is not embarrassing; you are not pathetic or desperate either. You are simply caring about your relationships with others, and everyone will appreciate it, especially since you can come up with something cool, like a movie marathon with buttered popcorn, baking brownies, or playing board games.
Believe that you can do it and that you will make it. Imagine how proud you will feel when you finally complete it. Imagine how positively you will look back on those months and how many memories and experiences will stay with you, because after all, you will not associate them with wasting away in bed.
These are just a few of my ideas, but remember that you are not doing this for me, for your mom, or for your partner. You are doing this for yourself, and only you will know if you are being honest, if you are trying, and how much work you have truly put in to succeed.
With love,
Kierstyn
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