are we expecting too much from people?
"If he wanted to, he would." A phrase that many woman stand behind, and I'm willing to bet has caused several breakups. This phrase became a female mantra a while back and seems to still be going strong to this day. I love a little phrase that you can repeat to yourself over and over again to help you stay grounded. I 100% stand with the notion that if someone cares about you they will try their very best to do right by you in any way they can. Recently though this phrase has started to turn sour to me.
Originally the phrase "If he wanted to, he would" was used as a wake-up call for women to recognize bad behavior in men. He's not taking you out on dates? He knows your favorite candy is Sour Patch Kids but he's always buying you Skittles instead? He's not putting in effort to text you but he's always active on Instagram? The answer was always simple: If he wanted to actually do these things for you, he simply would just do it. In life we tend to overcomplicate things and come up with a myriad of excuses when sometimes the answer is staring us dead in the face. This phrase woke a lot of women up and helped it become easy to identify when a guy wasn't really into you. To quote the fabulous movie He's Just Not That Into You, "If a guy doesn't call you, he doesn't want to call you. If a guy treats you like he doesn't care, he genuinely doesn't care, no exceptions."
I believe there is truth to this. If someone (whether that be a guy, friends, or family) wanted to do something for you they would just do it. The problem I'm beginning to have with this phrase is people are starting to become entitled. Take the phrase "As you should" for example. Originally this phrase was used for men who accomplished the bare minimum. If a guy held open the door for you or pulled out your chair on a date, you'd probably think "Oh, as he should." Yes there are things that you naturally expect people to take care of for you without you having to ask, but the issue here is when your gratitude starts to dwindle and you start to feel more entitled to certain treatment. Whenever I go out to eat with my dad I NEVER expect him to hand me the bill and have me pay. This is always something that he takes care of. Even still, my response to this is never "He's my dad so as he should" but rather I'm quick to thank him because let's be honest, he very much could make me pay for my portion of the meal.
With phrases like these being so widespread it can be so easy to find ways to apply them into much more than just our dating lives. We have to be careful though that we aren't expecting people to jump through hoops for us, especially if we wouldn't do the same for them. How many times have you considered doing/getting something for a friend but didn't end up doing it? Have there been times where you could have showed up more for somebody that you cared about? This doesn't mean that you love or care about them any less. You see, we have to recognize that we all are living our own lives.
The point is never to lower your standards (and I stand on that) but be able to meet people halfway where it's warranted. If he wanted to be with you, he wouldn't be making up excuses about how unsure he is. If he wanted to apologize to you, he would have picked up the phone and apologized. Some things can be very simple. Maybe they do (in some roundabout way) still care, but they just didn't want to, and that's the real kicker. We absolutely should under no circumstances allow ourselves to put up with and make excuses for bad behavior. To that I say, "If they wanted to, they would!" That being said, we also need to understand that in life not everything is black and white. You may be the center of your universe, but someone else is also the center of theirs. While you may think that you are entitled to or deserving of certain treatments, I guarantee the person next to you thinks they are entitled to the same treatments as well.
In this life I believe everyone is deserving of a baseline level of respect. If you respect me I respect you, very simple. Even so, it's important to remember that at the end of the day nobody truly owes us anything, and if they don't want to do something for you or don't show up in the way you'd want them to, that's on them. You can (and honestly probably should) expect certain behaviors from people, but you should still be appreciative when they do it for you. If you are a person who continues to show gratitude first then, "As you should!"
Happy Thursday party people! Thank you all so much for tuning in for yet another blog. I hope you all had a great week and continue to have an even better weekend. Stay grateful but never ever allow yourself to sit through mediocre behavior! There 100% is a difference between gratitude and settling.
With Love ALWAYS,
~ Side Note xoxo 💋!
As you should!