Circlefield Mall: "Permanence"

Circlefield Mall, IL

The Fountain

Her finger traced the rim of the water fountain feature before she even realized she was sitting on it. As the sound of the splashing reached her ears, Nora took in the view of the mall around her. The glossy floor and glass ceiling seemed iridescently spotless. She looked down at the clothes she was in: jean shorts, a crop top, and a pair of tennis shoes. The type of clothes she would wear after a swim meet, yet she can’t remember where she came from.

She stood up and started circling the fountain to look for another person. There was no one. “Okay, this is weird...” she said aloud.

Behind her was a voice. “Seems normal to me.” The voice was prepubescent, squeaking yet raspy. As she turned around, she realized it was one of her classmates from middle school sitting on the fountain’s ridge.

“Geez, kid, you move quietly.” She said standing up.

“And fast too,” he said as he munched on his hoodie strands, like he would do in the middle of a geometry test. His big eyes stared at Nora.

“Are you looking for your mom or something?”

“No, she’s just late to pick me up today. It’s alright though. You’re more interesting anyway.”

“Sure, why not, kid.” She glanced around to find another person.

“Why are you calling me kid?”

Having forgotten his name, she came up with, “My memory isn’t the best right now. Like, I recognize you and all, I just don’t know anything other than knowing you? All I know right now is I got to find somebody real.”

“Am I real?” He stood up. He grew a couple inches. His voice got deeper and his eyes got a new dimension.

“Hard to tell.” She refused to make eye contact with him.

“Ok.” His voice got deeper. His stature grew taller. He began gaining weight.

“Are you okay?” Nora asked. “Like, I can see you’re... I don’t know, experiencing growing pains?”

“No, I’m good.” He now stood taller than Nora.

“Alright...” She shifted her feet away from him and the fountain. “Have fun with waiting! I’m sure she’s just in traffic!”

The now fully grown adult voice cheerfully called out behind her, “She’s not!”

Using her memory of the mall’s layout, she began going to the food court, looking for someone else in the empty mall. Every step she took echoed against the ceiling. Looking through the sky lights, not a single cloud was present. Light flushed each plane of glass as she looked ahead of her. ‘

Real people... The most popular place is the mall is the food court... Maybe one of the big stores? They should have someone working or shopping. There’s gotta be someone in this damn mall.

Mid stride, a voice came out from a store around her. “Nora! You’re late!”

She turned around. It was her boss when she was working at the mall’s pretzel place for the summer.

“I can’t be late, I quit a while ago, man.” She threw her hands up in frustration. In her right hand, she felt the fabric of an apron tied up into a roll. Looking at the apron, she said “Oh, hell no.”

“Get in here and start up the cinnamon dough cashier cleaning seasonal duty!”

Confused, Nora yelled “Yeah, that makes no sense! Go do it yourself! I gotta find someone out here!”

“Get in here!” The boss began running towards her. Instinctively, Nora began running away. Despite his middle age body, he slowly was closing in on her. Until she made it to

Sellout

And slammed the door behind her. The room was completely pitch. Darker than anything her eyes can see, the suffocation almost blinded her.

From in between the racks of clothing further blocking out her vision, she heard a voice. It was of a girl, deep and chiming. She was singing from somewhere and laughing too. Nora could hear her speaking with someone, but there were no other voices she could hear. Was she speaking with herself? Or with her?

Racks of clothes blocked the back of the store. Each hoodie, sweater, and graphic tee folded in on each other like a deck of cards being shuffled and absorbed the singing voice. Nora began wedging her hand in between the racks of clothes. Her hand managed to fit, so she turned her body as she step-by-stepped between the racks.

She choreographed each step deeper towards the back of the store. Feeling the cheap fabrics and price tags, Nora was scraped and scratched with each movement of her feet. The voice got louder as she stepped past each article of clothing that dampened the sound. Eventually, the racks got closer together. Nora could feel the poles against her chest as her lungs struggled to breathe in.

She’s real. She’s there.

Shallowly, she breathed as much as she could. The cold metal hangers burned into her skin as she reached forward. Like a held out hand, she felt a door handle. With another lunge forward, she yanked it down. The door was pulled open and Nora felt a pair of hands clasp hers and pull her forward.

The air of the backroom was cold. Darkness still surrounded Nora. She reached for the door she came from and felt up the wall for a light switch. Her hand finally felt a switch and she immediately turned it on only to find she was in

The Music Store

On the wood panel walls, guitars and keyboards hung. She spotted the hallway to the music rooms.

Maybe the voice was coming from there...

Approaching the hallway, she saw a line of plastic chairs for the students waiting for their teacher. In one of the chairs was a little girl with long hair.

“Oh, I remember you!” Nora said as she pinched the little girl’s cheeks. The little girl giggled. “Still as cute as ever.”

“I’m waiting for Mrs. Perez!” the little girl squeaked.

“For your piano lesson, yeah I remember.” She looked at the girl nostalgically. “I remember being here.”

Nora sat down beside the little girl as she kicked her legs waiting.

“I miss you.” Nora said.

“I miss you too,” the little girl said.

The little girl kept kicking her legs absent mindedly. Nora said, “I remember being as little as you. You can't get too comfortable with anything nowadays.”

“What do you mean?” the little girl asked.

“It’s... funny to explain. I don’t know. Sometimes I think I’m okay with life, then I think about the past, you...” Nora looked at the wall in front of her. “It’s hard to imagine a life outside of the one you spent so long in.”

The little girl stopped kicking her legs.

“When you’re older, you’ll understand.”

“I think I do.” the little girl said. “Right now, I can’t imagine being your friend. That hasn’t happened yet. But, you know we’re already friends.” She kicked her bedazzled shoes. “When you close your eyes, do you also see a black darker than black?”

Nora chuckled. “Yeah...” she admitted.

“If you look hard enough, you can see me! Why else am I here?” The little girl said with a sing-songy tune. “But you can still see black even when you don’t close your eyes.”

The sound of a door handle opening came from the very end of the hall. Shadows blocked Nora’s view of the end of it.

“It’s my turn!” the little girl squealed. She jumped from the seat and waved absent mindedly down into the unknown. Her shoes lit up with rainbow lights, which slowly faded with each step.

Nora stood up. She went back to the music store lobby. She saw the glass panes of the store and saw her reflection. She looked 17-, 6-, 12-, and 18-years old.

“Geez.”

She heard a chime come from behind her. The computer on the desk was beaming a blue light. Nora tip-toed closer to the desk. She snuck behind the counter and approached the computer. The computer screen was the shade of someone waking up. The mouse called to be clicked. Nora did.

An email blasted Nora’s vision:

Congratulations to Nora Doh for being admitted to-

University of California

Berkeley, CA

Nora woke up and immediately felt a pounding in her head. She gripped her forehead as she took in her surroundings. Her dorm room was last night’s outfit on the floor and a stack of books on her desk. Her roommate’s bed was empty. She looked at what she was wearing: a bra and a pair of sleep shorts.

“Damn, that dream messes with my head.” She reached for her metal bottle on the carpet and took a swig of water. She closed her eyes and saw blots of color.

She looked for her phone over, under, and wrapped in her covers. Her plastic phone case shone in the morning sun in her eyes. Nora reached for the phone and went to check for new notifications.

But her phone was dead, so all she could do was stare at herself in the black screen. Despite this, she can still see her reflection.

Nora got up out of bed to charge it at her desk. She stumbled back to her bed as she stared at the ceiling. She closed her eyes. Nora knew she should really start her day, but she wanted to sleep even longer. She was already forgetting the details of her dream.

Nora’s eyes were pulled open. The ceiling was still there in front of her. She inhaled and exhaled and got out of bed.

Good to know everything is still there.