embarrassing or cringe

Hi! Welcome to jSpace! I am a new blogger at UIC Radio and am very excited to start this journey! 

I decided to become a blogger because I think too many things, and I need to do something better than making new notes app entries that range from grocery lists to existential crises about who I am. My storage on my phone thanks me as I move to Google Docs, although apparently, there is a storage capacity on Google Drive too, which is a later problem. In all seriousness, I have always admired other bloggers at UIC Radio for their variety of writing styles and topics. The direction for my blog is lifestyle, probably some poetry (sorry), reviews, music, news, my opinion on topics, of course, and probably more. So there is no specific direction, just whatever I want to talk about. 

Now that the introduction is over and I have stared at this Google doc for about twenty minutes, I'm left with: what in the world do I want to write my first blog about? Why do I feel this pressure? I'm not trying to impress anyone, so why do I feel like it might be the end of the world if I don't write the best, most interesting thing ever? Oh, because I don’t want to bore people with rambling in my first post, that's probably why, I want it to be interesting or adjacent to that. Am I embarrassed? I don't know, I would like to say I’m not, but I would be lying a little bit. I’ve never done this before, maybe that’s why. Am I overthinking this? Yes. Am I writing about how I’m overthinking my first blog in my first blog? Also yes. But now that I’ve got my fingers typing, I’m thinking about how annoying it is to be embarrassed or what people say it is to be “cringe”. To be honest, I am cringing thinking about how many times I have described things as cringe, let's unpack that irony.

(photo from Pinterest)

I think embarrassment can stop me from doing lots of things, the hard part is that I have the power to choose when it can stop me or encourage me. Embarrassment is a feeling, but also a choice, and today I am choosing to not be embarrassed for doing something I enjoy. Why do we let our minds play tricks on us like that? Is it our ego? Maybe sometimes dignity? It’s obviously a social construct, so why does it affect me so much? Is it social media? This I know the answer to, yes. One hundred percent, social media has a huge influence on how we view ourselves and the world around us. It is quite literally promoting social comparison. We are comparing ourselves to curated, unrealistic portrayals of others' lives. That's not the only reason, though. Let's go back to our ego.

Our ego is our self-esteem or our self-importance, it is our conscious mind. Ego influences behavior, whether that’s good or bad, like being selfish and arrogant or having self-worth and healthy boundaries. Our ego affects our relationships, decision-making, and mental well-being. It’s hard because there needs to be a balance of our ego, we cannot just disregard it altogether because it is what provides us with our sense of self.

Embarrassment is tied to our ego because it’s rooted in how others perceive us. Our ego feels threatened when something happens that doesn't align with what you believe is yourself or how you want yourself to appear. The stronger we are attached to our ego, the stronger our embarrassment feels. Our embarrassment is an emotional reaction to someone else's negative reaction or how you think someone will react. What if we just don't react? What if we get to a point where we don't allow excessive self-criticism to control us? I think that's the scary part, not having control, that's why when you trip or mispeak, it feels so dire because your ego feels like it’s lost control. 

How do we let embarrassment lose its power? Stop measuring yourself and your self-worth based on how others see you. Self-acceptance replacing self-judgment, not letting your ego get in the way, being able to laugh at yourself, and learn and move on. Focus on being genuine because it's freeing. Everyone makes mistakes and looks or acts silly sometimes, it doesn't reflect you or your worth, it just makes us human. Stop taking yourself too seriously, it’s not that serious. 

-j 

(photo from Pinterest)