Female and Male Gaze: Obsession

(Movie poster for Obsession)

Unless you live under a rock, you have definitely heard about the hit movie

Obsession, directed by Curry Barker. In case you haven’t heard about this movie before, here’s the Letterboxd summary: “After breaking the mysterious 'One Wish Willow' to win his crush’s heart, a hopeless romantic finds himself getting exactly what he asked for but soon discovers that some desires come at a dark, sinister price.” After I watched the movie, I went online to see what people were saying about it, and I started noticing something. I noticed a difference between how women and men viewed the movie and in their biggest takeaways. If you haven’t seen the movie and are planning to, maybe skip this blog because there will be some spoilers.

Male Gaze

The biggest thing I noticed was that guys tended to focus on the factors that led Bear to act the way he did. The first thing we learned about Bear is that he has some insecurity. The movie starts with Bear practicing his confession for the girl he has a crush on, Nikki. The movie then moves on to some interactions between Bear and Nikki. Bear is trying to find a moment alone with her so he can confess his feelings. He ends up driving Nikki home, and it seems like he is going to confess, but at the last minute, he backs down when Nikki tells him that it's important to tell her if he has any feelings towards her. This is when he makes a wish that Nikki loved him more than anyone in the world. All of these scenes really highlight Bear's feelings of insecurity. It's this insecurity that guys focus on as a reason when Bear starts to commit his more immoral actions. It seems like their main take is that Bear continues his relationship with wish Nikki– even after he knows that real Nikki doesn't want to be with him– since Bear doesn't feel like he, being himself, can attract romantic feelings from someone he likes. This whole argument really ties into incel culture and the manosphere and how men end up in these types of spaces. Social media has made us extremely aware of being perceived. Even when alone, we can still feel judged and watched. This made it easier for people to feel insecure, which then leads them to join online spaces with similar people who feed each other negative content, creating an incel space. In Bear’s case, his insecurity holds him back from being true but also makes him so cowardly that he couldn’t put an end to his wish after all of those horrible things happened. It also seems like some guys find the horror aspect of the movie to be about being trapped by a “clingy” person. The fear comes from being in such an intense situation with no way out. I find this second take to lack nuance since it doesn’t take into account Bear’s actions and paints him as the victim.

Female Gaze

The biggest difference between women and men’s take is that women focus more on Nikki and how Bear’s actions continuously harm her. Nikki is forced to be someone she is not as soon as the wish is made. Her whole world shifts to center around Bear. The very few minutes we have with real Nikki tells us that she has dreams and goals of being a writer, which stops when the wish is made. She is forced into a romantic and sexual relationship with Bear. In the small moments when real Nikki can push through wish Nikki, she pleads to anyone around to help her, that it's not her. A scene that really stuck out to me was when wish Nikki is sleeping, and real Nikki starts begging Bear to kill her, and he responds with along the line of, “What’s so wrong with being with me?” I think this scene is really important because it shows Bear’s insecurity and how it is harming Nikki. Halfway through the movie, Bear figures out that wish Nikki is not real and that the real one is suffering, but he doesn’t do anything concrete to break the wish, keeping Nikki trapped. In the end, Bear leaves Nikki alone and traumatized. Women feel that the horror comes from the common fear of being trapped and losing autonomy due to a man feeling entitled. This also ties into incel culture. Incel spaces on social media tend to promote violence, sexual assault, and harassment against women. While the movie is not about incel culture, we can see how Bear’s harmful actions towards Nikki are a reflection of the violence that incel culture produces. Overall, women’s take on Obsession tend to be that it speaks on the very real fear of a “nice guy” taking control.

Overall, women tend to focus on Nikki when discussing the movie, and men focus on Bear, which makes sense since it’s easier to relate to and understand someone who is similar to you. I can understand Nikki’s fear and suffering, but I can’t understand Bear’s insecurity. Even if you don’t understand, it’s important to be able to hear the other side. While both sides focused on different characters, I think both can agree that the space social media has given to incel culture is harmful to both men and women. 

If you haven’t seen Obsession yet, go buy your ticket because you’re missing out.