Finding Closure with the Caspers in Your Life

Maya Cooks | Posted on October 07, 2019

The act of ghosting has definitely become a trend within modern society when it comes to making and sustaining relationships. Trying to identify a potential “Casper” in your life is like playing a game of Russian Roulette, never knowing when one of your relationships will become nonexistent. Caspers can include and are not limited to- family members, close friends, significant others, online hookups, etc. While I can not prepare you to identify nor avoid potential Caspers, I can give you my personal remedy for moving on with life after being ghosted.

Finding Closure With The Caspers In Your Life

[Disclaimer: This article uses the term “Casper” in the sense of one purposely choosing to no longer be a part of a certain individual/group of individuals’ lives. Those who fit this description will not inform the individual/group of individuals of this action, hence ghosting them. Caspers, in this sense, are not correlated to the dead or missing individuals.]

Understand that their reason(s) for ghosting you will not always be justified

After several months of no contact with my Casper, I felt the need to reach out to this individual. Now, one might think several months without contact is a long time, however, the relationship this individual and I shared did not allow time to affect our feelings and attitudes towards one another. It was a relationship that thrived on sharing our personal experiences, comforting one another through depressive seasons, and exploring our windy city on foot. We were not the type to partake in afternoon gossip sessions or nonchalant texting. We considered ourselves to be purposeful fire signs, which meant every idea had action, and every action had a motive. Yet, after several months of no communication, I could not understand the reasoning as to why my fellow fire sign was ignoring my texts, or why I was unfriended on their social media platforms. Days went by as I continued to wonder about the motive behind this action, and how I was somewhat at fault for it. I wanted to believe that their life was turned upside down like in some teenage drama, and they needed time to themselves, or that they needed help but were too afraid/ashamed to ask. For days, weeks, months even, I wanted to be the hero to save them. I wanted to clear up any misunderstandings they might have had. However, the Caspers in your life do not always have justified reason(s) for ghosting you. Sometimes the act of ghosting can be as spontaneous and random as a one night stand. You’re not always looking or expecting it, but it does happen.

Finding Closure With The Caspers In Your Life

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Take it one day at a time

The effects of being ghosted- such as emotional pain, loneliness, and feelings of loss, can range depending on the connection shared with your Casper. I, for one, found myself looking for my Casper every time I went outside. Whether on my commute to school, on campus, or near my old neighborhood, I would try to find them in crowds or in the faces of strangers. Losing a relationship that you have invested yourself in can take a toll on your health (emotionally, physically, mentally, etc). You’ll need to have the strength to continue living life for yourself, and remember to handle, cope, and “move on” one day at a time.

Finding Closure With The Caspers In Your Life

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Turn to your community

In abrupt and confusing situations like this, it is best to turn to whatever collective group you are apart of for support. You can even anonymously vent your feelings online. Fulfilling this action will give you more opportunities to manage and cope with the feelings you are having after being ghosted. My sense of community at the time was my best friend. This person and I shared the same Casper, so it felt easier to vent and comfort one another. And from the relationship I share with my best friend, along with others I have grown to know and love, I’ve realized that I am more than capable of making and sustaining healthy relationships with others and that I should not have blamed myself for being ghosted.

Finding Closure With The Caspers In Your Life

It’s okay to remember the experiences shared with Caspers

As the months went by, I thought that it would be best to erase the memories I shared with my Casper. If I no longer think of them, I won’t feel as betrayed or hurt, right? Maybe! But, I didn’t want to forget all the memories and meaningful conversations we shared, or how they helped me during my adolescent years, or even our mini-adventures. Even though my Casper is no longer a part of my life, they have impacted it in some way, shape, or form. Now, when I say it’s okay to remember experiences with your Casper, I don’t suggest creating a checklist of pros and cons of how they positively and negatively impacted your life to somehow feel better/worse about their act of ghosting. (Miley Cyrus’ song “7 Things” definitely tempted me to do so.) The presence of the Casper in your life should be considered as only a chapter of many life experiences.

Finding Closure With The Caspers In Your Life

Recapturing The Moment

You define your own definition of closure

At the end of the day, whether you feel the need to erase your Casper from your mind, find the reason as to why you were ghosted, or reconnect with your Casper, that is completely your choice! (As long as you are partaking in healthy and safe solutions to find closure.) I chose to write about this experience to remind myself that relationships could become nonexistent in a moment, and that’s okay. The cause behind an individual ghosting others varies, so don’t initially blame yourself when you do become a victim of this act. Caspers, as I said before, are like chapters in a series of life experiences. You will overcome it, and you will move on to the next chapter of your life.