i am a glutton for punishment

Picture from Pinterest

you have a way of keeping yourself in ruin

so willing to do anything to escape your self-induced misery

you end up hurting yourself in the process

using destruction as a form of relief

it goes beyond familiarity

you live in that space of forced denial

not simply because it's safer

but as a form of self-punishment

you want it but can't have it and will never have it

because you do not deserve it

with the way you live your life

you make sure of that

like an old dog that will never learn

you return to the same house

again and again and again

lying in the ache

as if it were something earned

as if this suffering can give you purpose