if i had nine lives

i was inspired by the poem, “life after you” by hayley grace. i saw her post through Instagram and realized how i too think about the other lives i could have had, be on, or maybe still decide to go through. 

if i had nine lives, i would spend the first one drowning. i would do this because as i feel at peace going away, i know that after it, i will no longer live in fear. i wouldn’t want this first part to get too dark too soon, but knowing that this desire is possible in that first life, that would be the dream. 

after now knowing i can live without fear, i can also be at peace knowing that i will be okay if my parents didn’t take care of me “all the time”. they both sacrificed most of their life for my sister and i to be where we are now. so that brings me into my second life, i would be independent and encourage my parents to leave us behind. hayley grace’s poem was a bit different, where she wanted to hold her parents hand and get to know them deeply. me on the other hand,i want to give them the opposite; not hold their hands and walk through life with them, but instead give them another chance at life. i want them to go explore more of this world, to take on new adventures, to do all the things they once imaged, and maybe to even go back to their first home, a place they should have never left. the reason why i want this to be my second life, a place where i don’t have my parents alongside like i do now, is because it’s their first time living too; they deserve the chance of doing all they wished and more. I’m not selfish in this life; i carry these feelings and thoughts about my parents with me for the greater good. going back to what hayley grace said, of course i would like to get to know them deeply and understand why i am the way i am, but i have that now in present time, i hear their stories and i spend time with them plus i have lives #3-9 for that too. while this is about my lives and my stories, i made an exception for this second life, it’s about them. to my mom and dad. 

i briefly mentioned that my parents would have the chance in life number two, to continue their lives in their first home, never having to leave it. this introduces my third life, because they stayed, i now was born and grew up in michoacån, mexico. 

as a mexican-american, i always grew up thinking how my life would be so different “if my parents stayed in mexico and i lived there forever”. sometimes i do wonder if living in mexico could have been the best thing to ever have happened to me or honestly it could have been the worst. all i do know is that i will no longer have to constantly miss my family from there, they would be my neighbors. I would spend more time with my cousins, my goddaughter, and my grandparents. 

but for this life, i don’t have to wonder those things anymore, it all became a reality.

i would go to the same schools my parents did. work with them alongside family-owned businesses. learn the public transportation system front and back. go to college in mexico city, like my dad would have talked to me about, finally have visited the places my dad as well showed me in our home state and mexico city. 

or perhaps like i said, it was the worse decision and i didn’t go to school anymore. perhaps i grew up too fast and already settled down: partner and family at a young age: joined that stereotype: another percentage in the american eyes…

for my fourth life i would only think of myself. i would become selfish and live it as i please, hoping that everything goes according to plan. the plan… or should i say dream?

“finish school with my masters, and work in new york” 

instead of being a people pleaser, i would learn how to say no and genuinely mean it. learn how to step away when i don't want to face the cruelty of the world. learn how to move on and be at peace with what is, rather than always trying to find answer, a reason, the constant need of the an answer to why, and any reassurance. 

since i no longer live in fear because of life #1, i would do all the things i dreamed of, as i said earlier like going to new york and achieve my career goals. but as i also mentioned, this is for me and me only. i wouldn’t have to think about “leaving my family behind” or any of the past memories that could haunt me.

i’d get an apartment in manhattan, ride the subway to the magazine company where i work at of course, get lunch with my girls, talk about ‘last fridays incident’, have a date around the evening, come back home because it was flop, but end the night with a movie and sweet treat, with a view overlooking the city. 

thought about the TV series, Sex in the City? because i did too. and that’s the beauty of life number four. 

i guess for those reading and who probably don’t know me, school is pretty much the most important thing in my current life… and so in my fifth life, i get to live my scholar dreams. no, i don’t mean getting my multiple degrees, yes that would be amazing, but i mean i would study all and everything i thought about and wanted. 

growing up, i always wanted to be teacher. 

since elementary school up until freshman year of high school, i wanted to be a grade school teacher. i wanted my own classroom, desk, and be that person a student can rely on for course materials yes, but also with any other concerns they might have. i would be greeted with this name and have a sign on the door that reads, “Ms. Saenz”.  

there were personal reasons why i did “give up” this career dream, but in this life, i would have the chance to make myself a teacher a reality.

in my sixth life, i’m older and become what i always wanted to be; a mom. yes, i had an education, a life full of stories and memories to share, and accomplished all or most of what i pleased, but after all of that… i become a mom to two children and they have become my whole life now. in this life, im not ashamed about how my whole life revolves around them. 

after being a ‘city girl’ my whole life, we would live in a sort of townhouse in a suburban neighborhood, where it’s quiet and friendly of course. basement and attic included, everyone has their own room, there’s a garage and backyard too. 

making them lunch, dressing them up, doing their hair, taking them to whatever sport practice or extracurricular activity they joined, come back home to hear all the funny stories they have ready to share, read them bedtime stories, making sure they don’t get scary nightmares as many times their mom did, is the dream (no pun intended) i would love the fact that we all wake up the next day and i get to do it all over again. 

a mundane life? no no, let’s keep in mind each day will still be different, they will grow and things will change, but this life is about me finally being a mom and making that my number one priority. 

i mentioned earlier in a few other lives that i would be surrounded by family, or have a family of my own, have multiple friendships, be with someone, basically always be accompanied… in life seven i am alone. i think it’s a personal choice i am alone in life, as well as a something that is inevitable. i mean yes i had a family, went to school, and have a stable job, but that’s about it. not much of a social life. i learned how to be independent in a peaceful way where i don’t get that anxiety of being judges or as if i’m doing things the wrong way because i’m not following society. 

no, i won’t have multiple cats and get creepy as i grow older… but i also won’t have people waiting for me when i get home. 

this life does sounds sad, but it’s a type of reality i want to face. just as life #1, learn to not be afraid, i don’t have that fear of being alone anymore, it doesn’t exist in this world. it will be pretty brave of me, considering the type of person i truly am and goals i have in mind. 

it’s a challenge i’m willing to face and accomplish.

i was a bit baffled trying to decide on what kind of life i want for number eight. the idea between living this life in total no fear and no regrets, because obviously in life #1 i don’t have that mindset anymore… or contradict myself and have the ability to go back in time and undo everything i have regrets on. 

it’s really hard to live a life without any regrets, and when you do have them, it’s not like you can really do anything about it anymore, but what if in this life i had the chance to? 

i would have the ability to never cross paths with the cruel people that hurt me, to never have made the one tiny stupid decision such as not including a decimal point in my exam answer and failing it. but i guess the real question would be, what would life even mean if i had no regrets then? 

after explaining what i would do in lives 1-8, i want to say that in this very last and only life, i would do nothing. 

the idea and reality would be: you get one life, and this is it for me, the current one i am living. my ninth life is this one right now. 

going to college, being a part of uic radio, being close to family and friends, having adventures across the city, have aspirations, regrets, accomplishments, and fears.

obviously, i would still always think about lives 1-8 and the “what ifs” or what could have happened, what could happen still and all those regrets, but as of right now this is it. 

i’m turning 22 in 2 days and i get the greatest gift of just living life one day at a time while i still can. 

it is unfortunate to say, that there will be no more of "--tune in for more #lachurrosstories "... at least for the rest of this fall 2025 semester...

it is my last few months of being Brand Director for UIC Radio and with Sparky's Boiler Room coming up, I get the amazing opportunity to plan and oversee it, but with that I become a busy girl... so there will no longer be blogs posted at a certain schedule. there is the possibility that I can post a blog or two before the year ends, but for right now, I'd like to just say, see you next year or maybe soon ;)