Krampus Vs. The Final Girl: 13th Floor Haunted House Experience

Outside of the warehouse where the haunted house lies. Photo by N.D. Sass

Written by Niomi Dylan Sass

Would you ever go to one of Chicago's world-famous haunted houses by yourself? Well, I did. Let me tell you, it was specifically what my unscareable heart desired this Christmas season. I am someone who doesn’t get scared easily watching movies and isn’t that big of a thrill seeker to do anything dangerous, like going on rollercoasters, skydiving, running with the turkeys, and most assuredly swimming with sharks. However, that slight sensation of sudden fear activates a weird stimulation in the brain that sparks–joy? Going into this monster-filled horror house, alone, was the most thrilling experience I have had in, I would dare to say, years.

Standing in line, waiting in antici. . . . . . . . . . .pation, is THE WORST part of any thrill-inducing activity. For me, personally, I start to think about all of the worst stuff that can go wrong, and yes, it is probably from all the horror movies I watch. Some call it watching movies, I’d call it preparation. Knowing that about myself, I got the fast pass 😛, but this only skipped the huge line outside the building and places you right at the end of the queue to go in. Turning probably an over-hour-long wait into about ten minutes, leaving a lot less time to psych myself out. The line begins going through a photo-op with Krampus’ throne (ghoul, just in case no one told you, ALWAYS GET THE COMMEMORATIVE PHOTO). After that, you get placed into three lines that take you inside. Once each group disappeared through the doors one by one, it didn’t take more than 20 seconds for screams to start coming from the house. This was the point where I started thinking, “Why the hell would I come to this alone?” This one was for journalism and the Crypt Keepers ❤️

The entrance to the festive house of horrors. Photo by N.D. Sass

I have a stage acting background, which some might think would hinder the experience since all of the monsters are really just paid actors. I didn’t find this to be true for me because one of the first aspects of live performances taught was “The Suspension of Disbelief.” This comes more from an audience perspective. As an active participant, when watching a live show, one must stop believing the physical world they know around them and put themselves in the landscape of the production. This allows the audience member to enjoy what is happening more without comparing a fictitious story to real-world scenarios. So, when I stepped into the entrance, and the doors closed behind me, I left the real world out. Then it was me against a crew of Krampus, villainous elves, and haunted holiday spirits.

Y’all, when I tell you that almost instantly, the muscles on my scalp tensed up so bad with that first jump scare, I am not overdramatizing it. I could feel each curve and swivel of my brain pressing against my skull, just begging for some room to breathe. Going through the house was honestly so rad. The entire attraction is housed inside a giant warehouse, and the good people at 13th Floor Chicago have built an immaculately spooky yet festive, elaborate set. There are different evil, malevolent creatures placed all throughout the house, where no one would hear you screaming, not even the ears of a mouse. I was astounded to see numerous rooms, each having its own vibe but sharing the overall theme: Creepmas.

I wish we were allowed to take pictures going through the attraction, but they had had like three rules: don’t touch the actors, don’t take pictures, and don’t run. I broke the last rule because my fight or flight senses kicked in like three rooms deep. I was scared, it was scary 😂. Like, yes, I am going to walk at a much faster pace. I get why we weren’t supposed to because halfway through, I kind of caught up with the group that went before me, and I thought to myself, “oopsie.” Luckily, it was in an area that didn’t have any creatures lurking about, so I stood there a minute to catch myself and remind myself that the creatures were just actors. Then it dawned on me that was the fun part, actually imagining that these holiday horrors were real monsters trying to get me. I had to take it one step further, in the minute of breathing and letting the group in front of me trail off, I came up with a backstory to fuel my character's strength to survive the night. I think being alone really allowed me to release that fear of people judging me for playing pretend, but for the rest of the experience, it was me against the evils of the night.

Decorations from inside one of the bars where phones were allowed. Photo by N.D. Sass

Before then, I was frightened and not basking in the ambience of each room; I was just trying to get through it. Now with a backstory, my character was scared but strong enough to persevere. Which meant I was able to pick up on more details of some of the rooms. One room had a surgical Santa dissecting a body on the table. The stomach was cut wide open, revealing a mess of bloody garland while a nurse elf was bringing extra body parts for Dr. Santa. I think the scariest room to walk through was this long hallway that had an abundance of shredded strips of bloody gauze hanging down from the ceiling. This made it hard to see how long the hallway was and if anything was lurking inside waiting to jump out at me. I had to use my hands to get through all the layers of gauze; like I was pulling back the vines covering the only path through a forest over-encumbered with shrubbery. There was a section that resembled the streets of the underworld, where there were goons, goblins, elves, and multiple Krampus running amok. 

Three other rooms that stood out to me had a way of adding extra tension and fear based on the purposeful construction of each room. The first one was early in the attraction. There was a metal bridge you had to cross in a spooky-ah room that was rigged to move based on weight distribution. For example, if there was more weight on the left side, then the right side would slam up, making a loud crashing sound, while making you feel like you've fallen right off that bridge. Another room with an outdoor, swampy, aquatic feeling had the floors made with wood that felt like it was snapping and breaking underneath you. There was a little bit of water surrounding the perimeter of the walkway, which added some higher external stakes of not wanting to fall into it. Lastly, my favorite room that had some riggery afoot was one of the final ones. As soon as you walk inside, the entire room is built on, I think, a 40-45 degree angle. The moment I stepped inside, I felt like gravity was no longer on my side; it was extremely difficult to stand up straight and walk through. Just as soon as I get a handle on how to navigate through a room like that, some scary goblin comes jumping out at me, and I lose my footing, stumbling and scurrying out the door.

One of the puppets outside the entrance. Photo by N.D. Sass

There were some amazing puppets placed throughout the house, starting from outside the attraction. Inside, there was a massive worm that looked like it was decomposing that jumps out at you with added sounds and lights to intensify it. Dead bodies were falling from the ceiling that looked like they were being electrocuted by Christmas lights. My favorite was this colossal-sized demon with a mouth that opened like a flower with baby razor-sharp teeth. It was holding a screaming child with a missing limb, like the demon was getting ready to eat it.

Hidden inside the attraction were two mini bars where the VIP members got a chance to go inside to receive a shot of a haunting spirit. I don't drink, but I had to go inside to see the vibes of the bars, and the little bars were so cute. The first one felt like it was the only dive bar in the woods of the underworld; you wouldn’t usually want to stop at, but your friend has to pee, and you could go for a drink. There was a very friendly undead elf working that bar. Another bar was awaiting within the depths of this haunted house. An apothecary run by what I assume was a witch. When I entered this one, this felt like where all the witches come to handle their dirty business. Bottles of potions filled the wall, and the bartender’s skin was extremely blue from how “cold it was.” This actor was pretty good at their improv and had a whole character they built around where they were stationed.

Right outside the area where you can shoot LIVE zombies. Photo by N.D. Sass

I’m happy to say that I made it out alive! Orrrrrrrr am I writing from halls of purgatory? We’ll never really know, I guess. There were still other fun activities to do once you were out of the attraction. Three different 5-minute escape rooms and a live zombie shooting. I’m not going to lie; I felt bad about the zombie shooting. They gave me a gun filled with hundreds, if not a thousand of those Orbeez, water jelly beads, and it was real people I was supposed to shoot at. I play video games that require aiming a gun, and I was way better at shooting a live target than I thought I was going to be. I asked the worker who was saying the rules and distributing the guns if it hurt when I was returning the unloaded one, and she said yea kind of, actually 😵. I should have asked that beforehand. I really felt bad afterward because I made a solid 80 percent of the shots.

The escape rooms were one of my favorite parts. I am a Scooby Doo enthusiast, journalist, and I love to try to figure out a good mystery. The first one, I knew I was going to be able to solve it because it was called “The Crypt of Dracula.” I’m the host of the podcast She’s in the Crypt and writer of the blog Crypt Collections. With all that being said, I think I would have actually died if I hadn’t figured that one out. It was for groups of 1-6; one really smart person or 6 really drunk people, but it had a two-star difficulty. The basis of this one, without revealing the game's secret, the player has to unlock the case that held a wooden stake. Once you get the case unlocked, you have to drive the stake into the heart of Dracula so he can no longer rise from the dead. Once I had the stake in my hand, I was hesitant because this could have been my opportunity to become a vampire; more will come, I guess. With the five-minute allotted time, I completed it by myself with about twenty seconds to spare. The next one was “Frankenstein’s Laboratory,” and it was for groups of 2-6 people, which kind of put me at a disadvantage, but that didn’t stop me. With a three-star difficulty and with my possession of only one set of arms and an amazing pair of legs, I was worried I wouldn’t figure this one out. I was instructed to find Frankenstein’s third brain for his monster and place it on the pedestal before it dematerializes. This one was pretty hard, but once I saw what I had to do to reveal where the third brain was, I jumped into action. I found it, and with seconds to spare, I placed it right on the weight censored pedestal, and lights started sparking and flashing from above. I literally had one second to spare, the game master opened the door to see me in the corner of the room on the ground, hiding from the sparks of light. The sparks were probably never going to get me, but it did spook me. It’s giving final girl energy, it’s giving you can’t stop me. Until I got to the third room, “Mummy’s Curse,” and that is where your ghoul finally met her demise. This one had the same group recommended size but had a difficulty of 4 stars. This one was in the tomb of a Pharoah and you had to move the walls to reveal secret objects that help you unlock the door. The five minutes went by so fast because I was running in a circle, feeling the walls, trying to get them to move, to figure it out. They got me, gal. You know the old saying, best two out of three, and I’m clocking it as a win.

The two Escape Rooms I was triumphant in. Photo by N.D. Sass

I bet you’re wondering how much this all costs. I am someone who buys items at the grocery store based on how much it costs per ounce, to really see which one is the best deal. I always thoroughly weigh my options when spending money, and I decided to get the VIP bundle. It included: the ultimate fast pass allowing you to jump straight into the queue, a respawn that allows you to go through the haunted house again, you can play all three escape rooms, participate in the zombie shoot, have access to the two secret bars where they give you one shot each, and a thirteen percent retail merchandise discount. There was the option to donate five dollars to an organization that administers toy drives, and 13th Floor Chicago gave a five-dollar off retail coupon as a thank you. All of that came out to about $103 after taxes, which isn’t that bad, in my eyes. Especially, being able to skip straight to the front of the line, twice, in 10-15 degree weather was worth about $50 of that. The amount of fun I had doing the other activities, and the retail discount, was worth the other $50. Let’s keep it real, too, like $10-15 of that price was in taxes, is that the 13th Floor’s fault or Chicago’s fault, ya’know?

Remember, if you find yourself at a haunted house, indulge yourself in some fun and play with your imagination; it’ll be sure to help create an even more terrifying, unnerving, nightmarish scenario. If you’re looking for something festive and frightening to do with a group next year, or if you prefer to fly solo to look for a final girl experience, I highly recommend the 13th Floor Chicago Haunted House next

Christmas. 🎄

The commemorative photo of an Evil Queen on Daddy Krampus' Throne. Photo by N.D. Sass