Need At Least 2 Partners...

Polyamory, polygamy, open-relationship, ethical non-monogamy, relationship anarchy, etc. What does it all mean? It's a new year and a new semester, so let's begin by going over dating dynamics that may not be new but are becoming more mainstream. For my nosy readers and fellow gossips, I'll be discussing how I've dived into the world of dating multiple people at once and my feelings towards non-monogamous dating dynamics.

Me at the marble store getting ready to see my partners for the week

When you see polygamy or polyamory depicted in media, it's typically either the super religious guy and his 9 wives that he abuses, while the women hate each other. Or the other classic is that it's a group of sexual deviants with no emotional ties to anyone. Plural marriage, or polygamy, has a long history in the world, and in terms of human development, it's always held a role. In Tibet, polyandry (one woman and multiple men) though much more rare, still exists and most traditionally is done where a woman marries a group of brothers. This ensures that land, livestock, and other inherited property stay within a family, increases the likelihood of pregnancy, and means more hands are ready and able to work. In China, the Mosuo are an ethnic group who practice "walking marriage", this is where the male partner merely visits the women's home at night for sex, companionship, or to visit their children. It's common to have more than one partner at a time, and children are raised solely with the mother and her family.

This was from my human development class, I really enjoyed how they talked about women's choice and love in general

Here in the U.S. (a much younger country), plural marriage is illegal. Marriage on the basis of love is also a relatively young idea and as more people are moving away from marriage in the traditional sense, you end up seeing relationship dynamics where people have more than one partner at a time. It's becoming so common that a majority of dating apps have some semblance of a non-monogamous option to label yourself as. An app that is gaining more popularity and is advertised to those who seek non-traditional dating, is called "Feeld". I've met a number of people through it who are nearly all interesting, kind, great communicators, and fall on a wide spectrum of what a relationship can look like/how they identify themselves.

Ethical non-monogamy (ENM) is an umbrella term for people who have multiple connections, both sexual and romantic. Open relationships typically have a primary long-term partner and each party pursues connections outside of the relationship. Polyamory is another umbrella term that is more in tune with ENM though you may see more intersections of relationships (having a primary partner, but you date the same people/person or date separately). Relationship anarchy promotes personal freedoms and choice. You may have multiple partners but none are a primary partner. It also incorporates platonic relationships as the philosophy is with a focus on all types of connections, not just romantic or sexual ones.

Now that you have a clearer idea of some terms, we can dive into what you've all been waiting for: my experiences. I spent almost 4 years in an abusive relationship from my late teens to early 20's and when that relationship ended, I decided to hold on to the philosophy that relationships should end when they're meant to. You shouldn't beg people to be with you, to keep it going when it's hurting you, and refuse to detach because you made an "investment".

Fall in love again and again

The comfort at the end this relationship (other than him being evil) was the inevitability that I'd be with someone else. Love happens over and over and over and over again. Whenever I'm talking to my younger peers who want to settle down or have long term relationships in their early 20's, my go to joke is "Girl, you should be in the club". Being in your 20's and 30's are times of exploration before shifting into a solidified form of identity. I know myself and my core values have been unwavering nearly my whole life, but there are some things that can only be discovered through experience. My close friends who are a poly couple are my main inspiration for exploring ENM and discovering my own enjoyment toward it. With them I share both a romantic and platonic relationship. Shout out to G and X, I love you both!

At this point in time, I have two main sexual partners that I'm building romantic relationships with. One partner I've been with for a few months. So you may be thinking "what more do you need?". I didn't seek out my other partner from a place of deficit, but rather because I have a lot of love in my heart and I want to see how the relationship develops. It's still in the early stages, but I like them a lot and want to get to know them more. This is my first time dating more than one person at a time, I don't yet know where things will go, if feelings of jealousy will arise, if ultimatums will occur, or if the relationships will even last. So why not have fun, practice safe sex, communicate often/clearly, and be open to what happens?

I don't know if I'm poly, and I have my own feelings of jealousy and possessiveness to unpack. I think that monogamy can be very beautiful, and I wouldn't be against it if that's where a relationship took me. Let's be real though, who doesn't want two sexy people who not only make you feel desired, but also can take your trash out for you when you don't feel like it? It's wins all around. Being ENM or poly aren't inherently bad relationship dynamics,. I'll forever be on the side that everything is clearly communicated, consensual, and it brings joy, then it's none of my business and it shouldn't be demonized just because I don't live my life in the same way as someone else. A fun question to ask yourself and to comment on this post is "Can you be in love with more than one person at a time?"

What Relationship Dynamic Do You Fall Into?

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