parasocial phans

on october 13th, 2025, they hit the phantagon.

on this random monday, veteran youtubers daniel howell and phil lester uploaded "are dan and phil in a relationship? the truth." in this 45-minute video, they confirm that they are, in fact, in a romantic relationship, and have been since their first video in 2009. a sixteen-year relationship documented from the very start.

their privacy is more than understandable. they were together in the early days of the internet, a time before gay marriage was legalized. though they wanted to keep their sexualities and relationship out of the public eye, 2010s internet culture made it almost impossible. they admit that the pressure was so bad, it almost caused them to break up.

despite the doxxing, stalking, and constant harassment, dan and phil say that they forgive their phans for their behavior. dan even goes as far as to say that parasocial relationships are "just a fact of life these days," that there wasn't anything inherently malicious about it.

this is a relatively new take to me. most people, me being one of them, are pretty against parasocial relationships: they're one-sided and creepy. but, do as i say not as i do. i am a hypocrite. during this video, i found myself crying.

but why? i've never even met either of these people.

and this isn't even new. i cried when jin from bts went to the army in 2022, and when matpat retired in 2024. (as you can see, i was incredibly popular in middle school.)

i've been a fan of dan and phil for over a decade. on and off. i recently began watching them again in the past few years. and, when they were comfortable and content enough to share that they were in a relationship, i felt genuine joy?? this feels very cringey to admit, but i'm speaking my truth.

maybe dan is right and this is normal. maybe we are past the point of no return. maybe we passed this point twenty years ago. maybe connecting to random people online is a good thing? maybe it's the just nostalgia that gets me. maybe this happy ending is inspiring in a way. i offer no definitive answers, just thoughts.

this video also made me infinitely nostalgic for the old days of the internet. when you would post about mundane things without even thinking about it, when you would speak your mind about anything, when you could actually see people's real lives. it was new and corny and exciting and fun.

now posting on instagram feels like this:

i spend a lot of my time now trying to figure out how to use my computer less, curating my digital diet, tracking my screentime, deleting (and redownloading) certain apps, but maybe that's not the solution. maybe it's more about making the internet a better place to be.

i think this is why i find uic radio such a comforting platform. if i'm being honest, i only started reading the blogs when i started blogging. scrolling through this website is so so so different from scrolling on instagram or substack.

for one, there is no algorithm. if i want to read something i'm going to have to find it the good-old-fashioned way. second, everything's locally sourced. sometimes it's good to keep your bubble small. we weren't meant to hear the opinions of people thousands of miles away. i remember reading about how staying engaged with local media makes communities healthier and more engaged (don't take my word for this, but it sounds pretty legit). third, we're all kinda here cause we just want to make things and share them. no one's selling anything and no one's getting paid. well—maybe like five people are getting paid, but that's besides the point. if there is any "healthy" form of media consumption, this has to be it.

i feel like being in your twenties includes reliving your adolescence in as many ways as possible, whether it be listening to old music or dressing how you always wanted to. for me, starting my podcast feels like i'm living out my 2014 youtuber dreams and it's SO cringe, but so be it. i feel 13 again, in a good way.

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this was all over the place.

tldr: create things! share things! put yourself out there!

baiii ⚞•⚟

sputnik sweetheart ⋆˙⟡♡

[all images sourced from pinterest]