Past The Static (Act 2, Scene 2)
Written by Niomi Dylan Sass
Scene Two: The Set Up
Dylan turns to station 101.01.
91.1
Uhm, Madam Psychic?
101.01
Well, now Dylan, you had me worried sick about you. I had half a mind to go down there to see what happened, but it’s far too dark out to travel.
91.1
The generator ran out of gas. I had to bust a mission to find any, luckily, I did.
101.01
You’re a spunky little agile one, aren’t you? I’m glad you were able to—
91.1
Where’s my husband?!
101.01
No need to get angry. My visions begin to get hazy the later I stay up. Last thing I saw was those henchmen throwing him out of a trunk and killing the other person.
91.1
WHERE IS MY HUSBAND?!
101.01
Is that any way to talk to someone trying to help you out?
91.1
Cut the bullsh*t. I know exactly who you are, what you are.
101.01
Is that so?
WOMAN
(Whispering) Chill, dude, what are you doing?
91.1
The people from that camp you just unleashed a horde on? Well, there were more survivors than the ones you scooped up. I have four of them, here. Oh, and I found your little camera, too, by the way. Psychic my ass!
101.01 lets out a hysterical laugh and drops her vocal register down to her real voice.
101.01
What? A girl can’t have a little fun during the apocalypse? Also, those teens didn’t make it back to my camp, alive at least. Their balls decided to drop on the ride back, and they tried to attack two of my own. Their throats were cleanly cut. We try and wait to kill our supper until the last moment, or else the meat goes bad pretty quick. Heroes never win when I’m around.
91.1
F*ck you.
101.01
Now, that sounds like the fun I’ve been waiting for, too bad we swing for the same team, sweetie pie.
91.1
Listen. I’m not mad at what you do, how you do it, or the people you kill so you won’t go hungry. I just want my husband back! I have four people here, right now. As soon as they fell asleep, I tied them up, one-by-one. Bring me my husband, and you can have these four.
101.01
I wish my camera was still f*cking functioning, then I could believe you.
91.1
I’ll wake up their leader right now.
Dylan slaps the hell out of his thigh while looking wide-eyed at Hayden.
91.1 (Con’t)
Get the fuck *p!
WOMAN
Please. Why are you doing this?
Dylan hits his thigh again. Hayden plays along and screams this time.
WOMAN (CON’T)
What the hell is wrong with you?!
91.1
Oh, quit your whining!
101.01
It looks like we have quite the bad ass here. Alright, I’ll send my field team over with your precious beloved. But if there is anything less than four ALIVE people, I’ll give my people the authority to kill your husband first, then you, pretty boy.
91.1
I need to know he’s still alive. I want to hear his voice, or we have no deal.
101.01
You don’t trust me?
91.1
Not as far as I can spit.
101.01
Fine. Now, you don’t have to go hurting my feelings.
Madam Psychic calls out to her henchmen.
Fetch me Mr. PhD, will you?
91.1
I swear to you, if you hurt him in any kind of way—
101.01
DON’T TEST ME. I don’t like being threatened, Dylan. You pansy boy is right here.
The two henchmen throw in SAMMIE. He is blindfolded, gagged, and has his hands tied behind his back. Madam Psychic addresses SAMMIE.
101.01 (CON’T)
Looks like your husband didn’t just leave you in the dirt to die. Here darling, take my seat.
She stands and throws SAMMIE into the chair. She takes out SAMMIE’s gag.
SAMMIE
Baby?!
91.1
Oh my god. I’m so sorry—
SAMMIE
DON’T COME HERE! THESE PEOPLE ARE SICK IN THE HEAD AND WILL KILL—
Madam Psychic slaps the hell out of the back of SAMMIE'S head.
91.1
Don’t you dare f*cking touch him! It’s going to be okay, baby. I’m going to do everything in my power to get you back, I promise. I love you so much!
SAMMIE
I’m so scared. Baby, I don’t know what to do—
Madam Psychic throws SAMMIE off the chair and the henchman re-gag him, dragging him out of the room. She addresses her henchmen.
101.01
Take him to the car; we have a special delivery to make.
91.1
I swear to god if he’s hurt then—
101.01
Then what? You are in no position to be making empty threats. Relax, Dylan. We have a deal. I have no need for your doctor; I’d rather have a steady supply of food lined up for me. Then I can finally take a week off and kick up my feet for a while.
91.1
How long until they’re here?
101.01
Oh, I’m coming, too, my precious little Dylan. This is the kind of deal that I have to make sure goes right. Plus, my henchmen aren’t exactly the brightest. Their first instinct is to kill and ask questions afterwards. I don’t want them ruining my fresh food supply. We’ll see you in an hour.
Static. Dylan starts dialing through the stations.
WOMAN
What are you doing? Let’s get ready.
91.1
I have a friend. We’re going to need help, I can feel it.
WOMAN
Now you’re getting psychic powers too?
91.1
I need you to lock in and stop making jokes, Hayden.
WOMAN
I can’t help it… I’ll try, my bad.
Dylan lands on station 95.4.
91.1
Cousin? You there? I got into some sh*t and I could really use your help.
WOMAN
Cousin? You still have family alive?
95.4
As long as queer people are left on this rotting oversized asteroid, they can find kinship with me. Glad to hear you found some gas.
WOMAN
Neo? What the f*ck is up, sunshine?!
95.4
Is that Hayden I hear? Now that’s one bad b*tch you made friends with. How’d that happen?
WOMAN
I ran over here with deadies on my ass and Dylan here saved me. Those cannibals took down my whole camp!
95.4
What? How’d they find your camp?
WOMAN
They played me for a goddamn fool, that’s how.
91.1
The lady who told me she was a psychic actually wasn’t.
95.4
Well, I could have told you that. I mean, that sounded a tad far fetched.
91.1
How was I supposed to know? She’s the one who has my husband, her and her goons. I lied to them saying I had four captives here from Hayden’s camp and I would trade them for my husband.
95.4
Oh cousin, what did you get yourself into? I told you those aren’t the people you want to tango with.
91.1
I need your help.
95.4
I don’t have four people here to just give away to those wretched cannibals. Humans are the most scarce resource we have left on this planet.
91.1
That’s why we’re going to kill them. There’s three of them coming and only two of us. Those numbers don’t sound too good to me.
95.4
What happens when they get there and they only see you both?
91.1
That’s why I need your help, please. They’re on their way right now, said they would be here in an hour.
95.4
I’m a little over an hour travel to your location too. We don’t have mobile transportation at the SurPlus Store besides the two ten express. Two feet, ten toes. Do you know how many deadies wander around at night? This is a lot to ask.
91.1
He’s still alive! Have you ever been in love with anyone? Wouldn’t you do whatever it takes to get them back?
95.4
Yes. River, my fiancé. I lost them on day three. As soon as we realized shit was going south, we decided to leave our apartment and head to the farmlands. We thought less populated areas would, you know, have less of those things roaming around. It only took one hour outside for River to get bit by one of those f*cks stuck under a car. Didn’t know we were supposed to aim for the head; I found out the hard way. They bled out so fast. I held River, telling them it was going to be okay, and I’d find help. It only took like two minutes, after the life left their body, for them to turn… I tried to shoot River in the heart but wouldn’t budge. Then, I shot 5 more rounds in their chest, but they still wouldn’t go down. River got close enough where the last shot landed directly in their forehead…I wish, every day I’m still breathing, I wish that I could have them back, but I’ll never be able to. But, you do have a chance cousin, I’ll help you.
WOMAN
Neo, f*ck.
91.1
I’m so sorry they didn’t make it.
95.4
Yeah, me too. I know they would have told me to go help.
91.1
I owe you my life.
WOMAN
What about me?
91.1
You owe me yours, remember?
WOMAN
Right.
95.4
I’m getting ready to leave in five minutes. My only fear is those cannibals getting there before I do. If they do, you better stall longer than a Honda Civic. You still got your travel walkie-talkie?
91.1
Yeah.
95.4
Turn it to my channel, keep your side of the line open, and hide it nearby. I’ll be able to hear everything but I won’t be able to respond while your walkie is still on talk.
91.1
I’ll make it up to you, I promise.
95.4
We’ll talk details after we get your husband back. See you soon cousin, and you too Hayden.
WOMAN
You’re a them-peror, Neo!
95.4
That’s a new one.
Static. Dylan turns off the broadcast and is lost in thought.
WOMAN
Everyone is on their way, Dylan. What’s the plan?
91.1
Right. Okay, you think that creepy closet is big enough to fit four people in?
WOMAN
I mean, if they were all cramped together like sardines.
91.1
Good enough for me. Here’s what I’m thinking: when they get here, take my knife and your machete, then hide in the closet. I’m going to cut the generator; the emergency lights will kick on, but those don’t reach inside the closet. So you’ll be covered by the dark.
WOMAN
What the hell am I going to do with a machete in the closet?
91.1
I’m going to say I put the prisoners in there, then that’s your cue to scream for help.
WOMAN
Then what?
91.1
I’ll tell them to have one of her goons give me Sammie while her other one gets the prisoners from the closet. And when that fucker opens it up, aim that blade straight for the heart.
WOMAN
What if they have bigger guns than a damn handgun?
91.1
I still have three bullets. I don’t plan on wasting them. Their focus will shift to the door the minute it gets open; that’s when I’ll take my gun out, and I’m going for Madam Psycho first.
WOMAN
I don’t know.
91.1
Do you have a better plan?
WOMAN
What if we…F*ck…Okay.
91.1
We got this.
WOMAN
We got this.
91.1
Thank you, Hayden.
WOMAN
After all that f*ck ass b*tch has done, I want her dead just as bad.
91.1
Here, put this around your mouth when you get in the closet.
He takes off his shirt and has on a muscle-tank top underneath.
WOMAN
Gross. Why?
91.1
So it sounds like you're tied up and sh*t. If you were holding people against their will, wouldn’t their mouths be covered?
WOMAN
I f*cking guess. When was the last time this was washed? You know what, don’t answer that. Ew. Give me a cigarette.
Dylan sparks a cigarette and gives it to her. Hayden smokes it, pacing. He turns his walkie-talkie on to CHANNEL ONE and hides it in plain sight with the equipment on the desk. Dylan goes to the generator and cuts the power. Blackout.
(END OF SCENE)
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