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  • Sasha Uvarova


In 2020, Skullcrusher wrote a song called “Places/Plans.” The story is built around the bracketed lyrics.

I’m meeting you in half an hour, you say we need to talk. I try to predict our conversation. Why does this always happen? How much do I really know about you? I can’t ever understand where you’re coming from. We don’t have to talk, have deep conversations. Our bond, our understanding comes from the exchange of glances with each other at shows. From the glaze you see in my eyes when you play for me. Is that enough?

I hug you hello. You tell me about your trip back to your hometown, update me on the people. [You told me your friend’s in love.] It’s been a slow burning flame, and they’ve finally realized it. Everyone’s really happy for her, she deserves to be in love. [With a guy she looks up to.] You tilt your head over at me [Did you tell me for a reason?] I look at you and then you look away. You want to tell me it would be nice. [Do you care about that kind of stuff?] I can never tell if something is serious or not. We’re fine, right?

It’s time for us to set up at the venue for tonight. I texted you last weekend for a favor, to come with me and help out. It’s my first time playing since doors around here started to open up again. It’s not a big deal, it’s a small place, but you know the manager and I’m nervous about first impressions. You know more about this, your band has toured. You agree on the condition that I come with you for the next one. When we show up together, you’re thinking about something else. I can tell when you’re distracted, when you’re thinking about anything but me. All I can realize at this moment is that I am tired. I was ecstatic 20 minutes ago when you picked me up, but now I am tired. You have it worse though, you just flew in yesterday and you got no sleep on the flight and you’re jet lagged by the two hour time difference and you haven’t had dinner yet. I’m thankful that you’re doing this for me [Do you think you could look up to me that way?] 

I don’t know if you’re excited for me. Does this show mean to you what it means to me? [Do you think that I’m going places?] Am I the reflection of yourself starting out ten years ago, or is your craft my hobby? Sometimes you tell me I’m too nice. People will walk all over me if I don’t stand up for myself. [Does it matter if I’m a really good friend, that I’m there when you call and when your shows end?] Timid musicians don’t make it anywhere. It’s a tough business. Good thing I’m not a musician. I don’t have what it takes. [Can I make it out there as I am?] I need to build a reputation. Can I do that? Can I do that with you? Can I be someone if I’m just your groupie? The first lady to your band. [Without my name on a door or a headline band?]

I’ve made a decision, and this time I’m the one who says we need to talk. I’m a nervous wreck, but I’ve never trusted myself more. I’ve finally waded into cold water with the trust that it will turn warm. My body will get accustomed, until I don’t want to step out again because I’ve nearly forgotten what it’s like on the other side. I’ve invited you over. [Come in] My white curtains are dancing over my head. [The window’s open, and I’m lying alone] You lower yourself, one knee at a time, to lay down next to me. You see the glaze in my eyes one more time. [Let’s sit.] I can’t be the person who acts as an accessory to your life, stripping me of my own. I’m the one who has to believe that I can be something. I’m going to make my own places, my own plans, even if I have nothing yet. [Cause I don’t have any plans for tomorrow.] I’m not going with you. [I don’t have any plans for tomorrow.]

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