The Art of Being Alone

The feeling of waking up in the morning and checking your phone to find zero notifications. Not being spammed or worried that you’ll anger someone because you haven’t responded in a while. You get up, put on an outfit, maybe try a new hairstyle and head out of your quiet room. You arrive at your local coffee shop to get your morning drink, and no one is there to judge you for adding way too much sugar.

  These small moments in your life can feel isolated, or even lonely. But as Kia and I have grown older, we’ve started to recognize the beauty in them. What makes them feel comforting– like a cozy rainy day– is that you’re experiencing them alone. Silently, without any outside forces influencing your decisions. 

My attachment style played a big role in overcoming this fear of doing things by myself. Why do anything alone when I could just bring a friend along? I realized that I often seek comfort in others when it comes to their opinions, ideas, creativity, and even food choices. If I want sushi but Kia wants tacos, we get tacos. Over time, my identity became morphed by the people around me and I became a convoluted mix of everyone’s personality. Not mine. Slowly picking up the habits that bring me peace and joy has been one of the best ways to break out of this mental jail and allow myself to make memories as me. Being alone cuts those invisible strings that tie you to every person you know; and for those few moments, you are simply yourself. 

Being on your own can feel deeply comforting when you realize there is no one you need to mold or adjust yourself for. It becomes the art of being your authentic self.  There is a big difference between being alone and being lonely. You could be in a room full of people and still feel lonely, and you can be sitting on your balcony, sipping your coffee and never feel more in the moment. I used to hate the idea of being all by myself not having anyone around, that sounded very depressing. However, as I grew up I realized that sometimes I feel like no one would even notice if I left the room, so what's the point of being surrounded by so many people and still feel so unseen?

I have started to enjoy and value my alone time to the point where I am not willing to sacrifice it for any given situation.

 Except for yourself, no one is going to stay by your side forever. You will find some people that are worth holding on to (like I had), but it’s important to remember that you cannot depend entirely on anyone. You will have to create a space for yourself so that being alone feels safe and loved and being with your friends and loved ones feels like a bonus not an escape. Redefine solitude, Meet your mind. Go for walks alone. Go grocery shopping alone.

From your favorite podcast,

~ Kalina and Kia

(Image from Pinterest)