The Fear of Being 'Behind'

I have this fear, which I think many others have felt before. It often creeps up on me when I'm trying to finish my work or when I'm scrolling through my phone, seeing everyone else's lives. It comes to me like a threat, honestly, seeing what everyone else has already done so far. It makes me wonder, what am I doing? How is everyone so far ahead?

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I've felt this in many aspects, to be honest. Ahead in school, relationships, figuring out who they are, and some people really just having their whole lives mapped out— all their desires, and who just feel a leap ahead. Then I look at myself. 

I would call it a subtle fear. I do not talk about it much. It creeps in during those moments of comparison. A type of comparison that makes it feel like my progress does not count because it does not look nearly as impressive. It's that which truly makes you feel that if I haven't figured things out by now, I never will. 

However, one thing I have tried to begin to focus on more, is that there is no universal timeline. 

This structure of when to get things done is kind of handed to us, and we are taught to believe it. Life moves in a straight line, and we hit these milestones one after the other. But life is rarely ever this organized. In my experience, as I'm sure many, life is messy, uneven, and full of pauses that don't quite make sense until long down the line. This causes our ‘paths’ to become weird, or rather, unique. Some people find love early, some people know early on what they are meant to do, and some people will change their minds entirely. This does not mean we are behind; it just means we are human.

Being ‘behind’ assumes there is a finish line we are all racing to at the same pace, and that not achieving something means we are now losing. This also assumes that we are running the same race with the same intentions, which is nothing like real life. What if the path you're on is supposed to take longer?

Additionally, ‘being ahead’ is often glorified. We often don't see the lack of confidence, doubts, and things that didn't work out. We are taught to just focus on the 'ahead-ness' as the whole story, even when it's not. I think it's common to say that many of us have felt this way, regardless of where we are.

There is something powerful about moving at your own pace. Even if it's extremely uncomfortable and feels like you are the only one “slowing down." Growth often looks like questioning everything, starting over, or maybe just standing still while things slowly change.

So, with this, I encourage us to see this not as ‘being behind’, but rather as becoming. We must be kind to ourselves. You are still in the race. You are trying and learning things, and that counts for so much.

To end, this is obviously easier said than done, and I will admit I am super guilty of doing this too. Especially with college, it's hard not to. But I think it's important to remember there is no deadline we are trying to meet when it comes to the pace of our lives. They are simply unfolding the only way they know how.

See you next week,

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