The Governor's Waltz; Imposter Syndrome in Love
Hi everyone! Today I wanted to take a look at a song from Phoebe Bridgers' latest album, Lost Weekend. While I initially planned to write an entire review of the project, I realized that it might actually take decades to write. Each Phoebe Bridgers lyric is so dense that translating even one song into a cohesive analysis can take ages. So I decided a good compromise would be to tackle one (but really good) song from the album, and I think The Governor's Waltz has some of the most intricate songwriting from the entire project. So boom, here we go.
Like many of Phoebe's songs, The Governor's Waltz is about the downfall of one of her romantic relationships. It's told in a typical fashion, where the story progresses alongside the song. While that may sound unremarkable, I find this specific case more compelling than others because it's almost as if Phoebe acts as an unreliable narrator in this song. To understand what I mean by that, we need to take a look at the lyrics first. Let's start with the first verse;
"I was the belle of the Governor's Ball"
"Hiding in the bathroom like Shelley Duvall"
"You had a nosebleed, you were in my way"
"And you didn't remind me of anything"
These first few lines serve one purpose: to paint a picture. If you're unaware, The Governor's Ball is a music festival held in New York. Phoebe performed at this festival in 2021, which may sound like pointless information, but it actually helps recontextualize the next line. Shelley Duvall is most prominently known in pop culture for her lead role in the 1980 horror movie The Shining, particularly the scene where a murderer is axing down the bathroom door in an attempt to reach and kill her. Now consider Phoebe's perception in pop culture at that time, where the public took such a strong interest in her that she had to completely stop appearing in public to avoid scrutiny. The second line shows Phoebe's vulnerability- she is Shelley, and we are the ones trying to bust down the door, and succeeding in that would be deadly for Bridgers. That may sound dramatic, but consider what happens if every detail of your life is publicized for others to see? At that point, your humanity is basically sold for others' entertainment, and you are reduced to a flat, two-dimensional character for the public's enjoyment. In that sense, nothing is 'yours' anymore- it's everyone's.
All of this analysis for only the first two lyrics of the song may seem overkill, but it's crucial to understand Phoebe's thought process at the time before going forward. To wrap up this verse, let's talk about the last two lyrics. She runs into an interesting sight that would usually prompt some kind of comparison or a familiar feeling. Instead, she's reminded of nothing in particular. This means one of two things: either the person she has run into has a unique aura that is alien to her, or they are so unremarkable that she can't form even a single thought about them. For an artist such as Phoebe, who feels deeply and conveys her thoughts through showing rather than telling, this is an interesting development. This person's existence seemed to challenge her romanticized worldview, which may have piqued her interest.
Now that the stage is set, we can finally get on with the first chorus:
"So let's see how long we can go without touching"
"Why don't you sing me to sleep?"
"I know you'd never actually think about jumping"
"But do it for me"
In this first line, Phoebe portrays this relationship as inevitable, which makes sense given the previous verse, in which she has already expressed interest in this person. This chorus reflects her desire for comfort, possibly due to public scrutiny, but I think it's more likely that the discomfort stems from the relationship dynamic, and Phoebe was seeking some kind of remedy. But the third line delivers the cold truth: there is no easy solution, and this relationship must end for her to be whole again. But for whatever reason, she has no interest in ending this relationship herself and wants her partner to do the dirty work, even if she knows they have no motivation to do so yet.
Moving onto the second verse;
"Two kids in a trench coat living alone"
"I was too happy to feel at home"
"Dancing ourselves clean late New Year's Eve"
"You deserved better, you wanted me"
This part further contextualizes the relationship dynamic. Neither person has the life experience required for this relationship to work out, yet they are trying to depict themselves as mature adults. The second line confused me initially. If she's happy, then why does she feel out of place? More importantly, up until this point, we had the impression she wasn't happy, so what's the deal? These two contradictions, when combined, paint the whole picture. Despite how she presents herself in this relationship, she isn't actually happy, and that dissonance is creating tension. This creates a situation where her partner is falling for a version of her that isn't entirely real. That's why she believes he deserves 'better'; he needs someone who can actually meet his expectations without the need for a facade. It's unclear why she created this alternate version of herself in this relationship, but I personally believe that it was a mix of wanting to meet her partner's expectations and a result of her wanting to hide her true self in an act of self-preservation (this links back to the large level of public attention she was receiving at the time).
Here's the second chorus;
"So let's see how long we can go without talking"
"Watch me pretending to sleep"
"I'm next to you, you're next to nothing"
"You promised that you'd never leave"
"But maybe you'll do it for me"
This chorus marks the unraveling of this relationship. Avoiding a conversation like it's some kind of petty game, pretending to sleep to avoid interaction. These things are the key ingredients in building resentment. The third line can be interpreted as a double entendre, but it's actually referring to Phoebe's current state. Her partner is real and true to themselves, while she has become someone far from herself. She truly has become 'nothing' and is finally admitting it outright. Even though she is far removed from this relationship, she still holds her partner's promises and trust dearly. Which is interesting, considering she's been waiting for her partner to call it quits. You could argue that the last line has a double meaning; in one case, he's doing her a favor by leaving, and in the other, he's breaking things off because she wasn't able to be the person he desired. I think the latter makes the most sense because her attitude toward this person isn't exactly positive. I imagine it must have hurt to lose yourself to become someone's ideal, only to find that your best still wasn't good enough for them.
Lastly, we have the final chorus, which is probably the part of the song most people are interested in;
"Now, let's see how far I can run without stopping"
"And she can pretend to be me"
"Since she took my place and my bed on that stage"
"I have not lost any sleep" "Being myself wasn't easy"
"Do it for me"
I'm going to dissect these lyrics without mentioning names, because I don't think it's very relevant to the analysis itself. Think of these first two lines as a single run-on sentence ("let's see how far I can run /, let's see how long she can pretend"). Whoever her partner has left her for is trying to fill the role that Phoebe was unable to. Ultimately, we have no idea whether this other person is succeeding at that, but that's not actually important to the story at this point. Phoebe doesn't have to 'pretend to sleep' anymore; she can just sleep. She no longer has to pretend; she can just be herself. These lyrics don't just show us that she's found her resolve, but also that this new relationship proves it never had to be her; he only ever liked the concept of her, not the person she actually was. Her final words might sound like a warning to this other girl, but they also serve as a thank-you. Phoebe might even feel grateful that this other girl entered the picture, because if her ex-partner finally has their expectations met, she can put everything to bed and move on. On the other hand, she might feel like this other girl is just a poor imitation of her, and the consequence of taking her place is suffering the same fate that Phoebe did. Essentially, karma is gonna come get your ass for trying to rip me off. It's a really interesting dynamic, and I think both things can be true at once.
Andddd done. See what I mean when I say that tackling even one Phoebe song is a tall task? Don't get me wrong, though, I think it's so fun to analyze a song with all these layers. I think the subject matter of this song is really unique and written with a lot of nuance, which I appreciate because the situation she's describing is inherently nuanced.
In the beginning, I said Phoebe is an unreliable narrator in this song. At face value, this song paints Phoebe as the victim who gets replaced even after putting so much effort into her relationship. But in reality, she self-sabotages by staying in a relationship she found unfulfilling and allowing someone else to fall in love with a version of herself that wasn't real. She wasn't honest enough in her relationship, and so things were bound to fall apart. But as we discover, he was only ever in love with the concept of her, and moved on to the next-best thing once he realized she wasn't what he was looking for. So he may not be entirely to blame for the downfall of their relationship, but his intentions feel slightly twisted. You could even go as far as to say he views women like toys, going for one after the other until he finally finds one that meets the ideal fantasy he's created in his head. But you don't need me to tell you why that's problematic.
So yeah, this song is veryyy interesting and has so much to say in such a short span of time. There are so many ways to interpret these lines, so maybe you feel differently about this song than I do. If so, please feel free to let me know your thoughts! I'm gonna leave it at that for now. Thanks for reading and see you next week!
Earworm ~-~-~o ♪
Thanks for reading!
-Joey :)
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