to do lists, graduation, and wanting

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So much is always happening and my to do list hates me because I am not attentive enough

She says nasty things about me but I still come back to her, because I am loyal

No because I care

I wouldn’t do anything if I didnt care

My feet can feel the cracks of the sidewalk in my boots and it feels good to me, almost like I am barefoot

Too much time on my phone, I am horrible I have so much to do 

What am I doing

I am informed though, maybe too informed, maybe thats why I can feel my heart beat in my throat sometimes 

I am always thinking ahead and behind but never about now

I hate that

Now I want to float in water and listen to the noises water makes as sunlight burns my eyelids 

What do I want to do when I graduate?

I don’t know

Maybe like be a good person. 

Be happy, Ride a bike in the summer time and have like alot of money 

Make luxurious meals for myself just because I can 

Maybe I could do those things now 

Who am I if not a student? 

Will the the adult world be kind to me?

Probably not 

I am already partially an adult anyways, I pay bills, I cook myself food, I forget to water my plants and I take the trash out sometimes 

I will be a different kind of adult when I graduate though 

Maybe I will go to bed at 9 pm and do hot yoga on the weekends 

Who knows what I’ll be up to

Will I think about college and miss it or will I be too busy loving my job and paying my student loans 

I want time to slow down and go faster and stop for a few minutes 

So I can like take the biggest deep breath ever and then press play again 

I want too many things, does that make me selfish

I want connection

I want care

I want love

I want longing 

I want understanding 

I want to laugh so hard my stomach starts to cramp and I can’t get a full breath in so I lean over and hold my chest until I can feel air seep into my lungs again and then start laughing all over again 

And I want to go to the movies with the recliner seats I love those

I want to go fishing with my grandpa 

Does wanting things make me selfish or human

I don’t know 

welcome back to j space<3 may 2026 be good to us and our minds! (please) I am so excited to keep writing this semester and expand my writing!!! enjoy this snip bit of my thoughts i guess? I couldn't decide what to possibly write about and just started typing, enjoy.......

-j

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