Too Weak of a Word

“Love is just too weak of a word” is the opening verse of the song “Inventing” by Matilda Mann, is one that’s been on my mind as February comes to a close. A month notorious for all things love, and it has me thinking- do we use the word too often? Has it lost its meaning? Has it truly become a weak word? I definitely don’t use the word scarcely, I love the word “love”. And I truly love a lot of things.

I love the feeling of freshly washed sheets that are cool to the touch on a warm summer night. I love the sound of steady thumping a night time rain storm makes. I love a slow burn romance in a well written book. I love the sound of my ice skates’ edges cutting through freshly cleared ice. I love the smoothness of acrylic paint on a new canvas. I love the feeling of my cat purring on my chest while we both lay in a ray of sunlight. I love the vibration of the bass in the heels of my feet at concerts and festivals. I love finding a new background show to binge watch while I do my home work. I love my matcha iced and sweetened with maple syrup, but my black tea hot and sweetened with honey. I love handwritten cards and hand drawn doodles. I love yoga first thing in the morning and walking on the treadmill late at night. I love my noise cancelling headphones and blasting my music. And I truly do believe that love is the perfect word for all of those things.

At the same time, however, love is too weak of a word to describe the way my dad’s eyes soften while my mom asks him if she looks good for a party. She still never fails to amaze him. Love is too weak of a word to describe how my mom laughs at all of my dad’s jokes no matter how many times she’s heard them over the years. He still never fails to make her smile. Of course it’s too weak of a word for how they both made sure to kiss my brother and I good morning and good night with a smile no matter how hard their own days were. Their love definitely cannot be confined to just a four letter word. In fact, I don’t think there’s a word in either of our native languages, Farsi nor English, that would do their love justice. 

As a matter of a fact, love is too weak of a word for all the people who have raised my brother and I. My Maman Sedigh’s warm embrace that holds our entire mom’s side of the family together is stronger than any force I’ve ever known. My Baba Ghasem’s poems and stories were always the most beautiful words you’d hear any day. My Khaleh Parvin’s grounding advice that always sets you on the path to success no matter how lost you may feel. My Khaleh Parvaneh’s words of endearment that can lift you up no matter how down that day may have you. My Dada Hamid and Dayee Mamad’ jokes that had us laughing with tears running down our faces until all our worries went away. 

From all of them, I have my cousins who made my childhood the best I could’ve ever asked for. Ali for teasing me and giving my sense of humour. Amir for always sharing kind words of encouragement. Bahareh whom I share my looks with and a lot of my interests. Somayeh for teaching me strength and resilience. Last, but definitely not least, Raana who has become such an inspiration in my life, and has always shown me patience no matter how bad my Farsi has become. 

Of course on my dad’s side as well, my Maman Ghodsi who is the perfect hugging size is the best lunch date you can find. My Baba Essy sacrificed everything without hesitation to bring my family to America and he did so much for all of us. My Amo Behzad who’s joyful laugh lights up every room it echoes in is always someone you can count on for a smile. My Ame Alison who is always doing selfless work is an inspiration to the communities she serves. And considering these memories have spanned borders and time zones, I fear love is still too weak of a word.

Love is also too weak of a word for the way my brother, Arman, has accepted me for who I am. From the first day I came home from the hospital and he handed me his toy trains, to now in college with him being my number one supporter. His love has never wavered. No matter how many times I pulled his hair, gave him attitude when I was tired, or embarrassed him- he’s always loved me for me. He believed in me when I didn’t and pushed me to take the leap of faith when I was sure I was going to hit rock bottom. Love can’t explain the amount of times he’s been there for me.

And love is too weak of a word for the patience my boyfriend shows me on a daily basis. He sees me make the same mistakes over and over again, but he’s always there with open arms and an awaiting forehead kiss to make me feel better, even though he could definitely say “I told you so” instead. And while he thinks money could be spent on better things, he buys me bouquets of my favorite flowers because he knows it makes me happy. But the little notes that he leaves scattered in my folders and room for me to find are all his own doing. And I know for a fact that love isn’t strong enough for all the little and big things he does for me.

Of course, love is way too weak of a word for all of my best friends. Starting all the way from when we were kids with my Persian friends- who I can always count on for a crazy time. To second grade with my best friend, Ava, who was the reason I learned English. Up to my high school best friends, Eliza, Anjali, Ari, and Andrea, who I can always count on rain or shine for anything and everything, always and forever. Now all the way to college with my big/little family, Alopi, Alyssa, and Srishti, who were the first sense of community I made for myself at UIC. And my wonderful design friends who confirm I made the right choice of changing my major everyday. I’m so amazed everyday that I get to call all of these beautiful people my friends, and for that reason I know love is too weak of a word.

So, if “love is just too weak of a word” where do we go from here? Is there a word stronger to express our true intentions? Or do we just have trust that the four letters are capable of carrying the strength of the wild feelings that come with such a weak word?

Either way,..

Love, Ariana