Why We Sometimes Crave "Getting Even"

There are times when you finally feel comfortable in your own element, even if it took a while to get there. You start to let go of things you’ve been holding onto and feel ready to move forward. But when something reminds you of past frustrations, the urge to “get even” doesn’t seem so irrational.

Image Source: "Self Acceptance I” by Lesley Oldaker

This feeling isn’t just emotional or repulsive; it goes way beyond that. Research shows that when we feel wronged, our brains respond in ways that make retaliation feel rewarding. Certain areas involved in motivation and reward become active, which may explain why the urge to get even can feel so strong, even when we know it may not be the best response.

One part of the brain that helps explain this reaction is the ventral striatum, a key part of the brain’s reward system. This system is usually associated with things that feel good, like eating or accomplishing a goal. Yet research has shown that when people are given the chance to punish someone who treated them unfairly, the ventral striatum becomes active. This is why “getting even” can feel satisfying in the moment, even though it probably doesn’t resolve the situation long-term.

Once again, the idea of “getting even” can sound tempting, but acting on that urge probably won’t give you the satisfaction you might be anticipating. There are ways to redirect that anger and energy in healthier directions. The most effective thing you can do is to choose to disengage from the negative feelings and focus on activities that bring you joy and help you grow.