growing up black... AND a woman.

Today I was having a conversation with my friends Jaz and Jenyce about how I've recently experienced forms of micro-racism. We talked about how it's crazy that to this day, even with people claiming to be "woke" and activists, there are still signs of micro-racism all around us. In honor of Women's History Month I want to talk about the experience of being a woman of color in our society. I know that every group/ethnicity experiences racism, but as a black girl I can only speak specifically for the things that I've experienced.

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As a kid, growing up with dark skin was always rough. Throw in the fact that my family is actually from Africa and the jokes began to write themselves. From the early age of 10 I've heard just about any joke that you can think of, and at the age of 19 the jokes keep on coming, just in slightly more creative (if you'd like to call it that) forms. I've never been ashamed of the color of my skin. This confidence mainly stems from my mother who has always been unapologetically herself. However, this doesn't mean that all the comments easily rolled down my back. Being on the receiving end of micro-racism makes you uncomfortable, especially if you are a kid. You start to look at yourself, your skin, differently. During the summer you might want to spend less time in the sun because you fear someone is going to make a comment about you being burnt, you dread the teacher turning off the lights during class anticipating the jokes that come along with it, and as you get older you question if someone would be romantically interested in you and the color of your skin. All of this is extremely exhausting.

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As a woman we are constantly forced into several different boxes. I wish I could quote the entire Barbie movie in this blog because it encapsulates this idea perfectly. As kids, almost everything is split down the middle. Girls like pink and boys like blue. Girls play with dolls and boys play sports. As you get older, as a woman you are expected to look and act a certain way. Since I was a kid there were always subtle agendas pushed on me simply because I was a girl. My mother would ask me to help her set the table while my brother and dad sat on the couch, I was constantly told to "sit like a lady" all throughout elementary school, and I was always expected to come in second when it came to grades throughout high school. Women are constanly put down in media, disregarded in sports, and simply just disrespected. I've heard some truly awful things said about women from people online as well as people I've gone to school with. I think we as women have so much depth. We are kind as well as determined, emotional as well as level headed, and smart as well as empathetic. There are so many common phrases and stereotypes that poke fun of women: "ditzy blonde", being called a drama queen, someone telling you that you should "smile more", "is it that time of the month?", calling women bad drivers (though I'm pretty sure statistically men are worse drivers), and so many more.

Now combine growing up black and being a woman: beautiful chaos. Black women are more likely to die from pregnancy related causes, face sterotypes of being "aggressive, loud and too much", and experience scrutiny when it comes to wearing our natural hair in professional settings. We are forced to "tone down" our expressions, otherwise we are just another "ghetto black girl" who is overexpressive. Being a black girl is having a similar outgoing personality as another girl, but for her it's quirky and on you it's loud. Being a black girl is having to constanly explain the concept of getting your hair braided. Being a black girl is fearing that the color of your skin might hinder you from forming real romantic connections. In high school I once ACTUALLY heard some of the guys saying that being a "5/10" in another ethnicity was better than being a "10/10" black girl because the "5/10" would still surpass the black girl. I find this incredibly disgusting, not only as a black woman but as a woman in general. We shouldn't have to feel second-best (at most) simply because of the color of our skin. I mean cmon it's 2026. This is a conversation I've had a couple times with some of my black girl friends. Though we've been around certain micro-racist remarks since we were kids, doesn't make it hurt any less and definitely doesn't make it okay.

I think being a woman is a beautiful thing. Whenever I get around a group of girls there is a certain energy that literally cannot be described as anything other than: ✨💋🎀☀🫧💄🤭🌸🧚‍♀️. I love being a woman and I wouldn't change it for the world. I also think having dark skin is a beautiful thing. Given the chance, I would come back as a dark skinned woman in every lifetime. I think as girls we shouldn't have to tone down our emotions to fit into whatever new box of the day society has created. As dark and darker skinned women we shouldn't have to feel like we should hide the fact that we have darker skin. It is beautiful. You are beautiful.

Photo Credit - Pinterest

Again I would like to wish you a Happy Women's History Month. Never let someone stop you from expressing yourself, never hide the color of your skin, and never force yourself into somebody's box. We have far too many layers to simply fit into a box!

I hope you all have a wonderful rest of your week and an amazing spring break!

With love always,

~Side Note xoxo