I Did This to Myself

This week I switched my major from biochemistry to neuroscience. The more I thought about it, the more obvious it felt. Biochemistry is interesting and all, but it feels a little removed from what I really care about. I don't want to just understand molecules; I want to understand people. Neuroscience just feels closer to medicine. Closer to what I picture when I think about being a doctor.

For a brief moment, I felt like I had my life together. Like I made a smart decision.

And then I realized the date. I had switched after the deadline to withdraw from classes. So now I'm still in Calculus II. For no reason. Genuinely no reason.

There is something deeply disrespectful about sitting in a class you no longer need. I show up, get my attendance, and leave. I don't even pretend to know what's happening in that class anymore. At this point, if you showed me an integral, I'd be like, "that looks familiar," and move on.

But honestly this whole situation is kind of fitting.

Medicine isn't going to be perfectly aligned all the time either. It's not always going to be interesting or directly connected to what I care about in the moment. There are going to be long hours, random requirements, and things that feel completely unrelated to the bigger picture.

And you still have to show up.

So yeah, I'll finish Calculus II. If I can handle a class If don't even need anymore, I can probably handle a lot worse. Anyway, I'm a neuroscience major now.

Finally learning something I care about. Even if, for now, I'm still calculating integrals against my will.