know who you are at every age
Hello everyone! For this edition of my blog, I have decided to diverge a bit from the framework I originally laid out and be a little more personal. Monday was my 30th birthday, and I am excited to officially be "unc". So, I thought with the timing of my birthday week coinciding with my first "real" blog post, I would take some time to write about media I've consumed that informed my perspective, and maybe something will reach someone out there and have an impact on them as well. I could write about what it feels like to get older, the experience of starting school in my "old age", unsolicited advice for youngins' out there, or whatever. I ultimately decided that maybe nobody wants to read that, and maybe I don't want to write that. I'll save it for my therapist, and, if the itch gets bad, my personal Substack.
So I'm going to start off strong with a movie that shaped my taste in music, fashion, film (had to pay a quick homage to Charli xcx), and art: Juno (2007).
This film is millennial-core at its finest, in my opinion. The fashion alone is a dead giveaway, with the iconic movie poster featuring Elliot Page wearing a skirt over their jeans and the orange-and-white striped shirt. The typography of it all, the hand-drawn style font for the title card and the transitional cuts throughout the film. Most importantly: the music. I actually just found this CD at the thrift store the other day, Juno's Mix CD (Totally Boss Music!!!). I gasped, of course. Sadly, the CD is just five songs, three of them being original compositions for the movie, and the other two being "My Wandering Days are Over" by Belle and Sebastian and "Once I Loved" by Astrud Gilberto. Still, Belle and Sebastian was an important discovery for me, and I bought the CD for the nostalgia factor.
The real star of the Juno soundtrack is Kimya Dawson, and/or The Moldy Peaches. I noticed that Kimya/the Moldy Peaches went viral recently, for some reason. It was kind of shocking to me, but it also felt quite sweet to see an artist I've been listening to for ... about half my life? ... go viral all of a sudden. It was actually Elliot Page's idea to include a Moldy Peaches song in the movie, and they ended up dominating the soundtrack, and their song "Anyone Else but You" became the closing track. I became obsessed with Kimya Dawson, constantly listening to her on YouTube in middle school. I knew songs from her 2011 album Thunder Thighs before the album came out. The title of her song "Walk Like Thunder" became my first tattoo (a stick-and-poke given to me in my friend's bedroom before school after we played Mario Kart on the Nintendo 64), and now the Moldy Peaches song "Who's Got the Crack?" is one of my 'ole reliable' karaoke songs that nobody knows, but everyone (usually) loves.
Other quick band highlights from this soundtrack are: The Kinks, Belle and Sebastian (mentioning again for emphasis), Cat Power, The Velvet Underground, and Sonic Youth. If you haven't seen Juno, it's streaming somewhere, I'm sure, and if it's not, figure it out, watch it, envision yourself existing in 2007. Coincidentally, it is also a perfect fall movie.
Next up, another movie, one from my Letterboxd top 4, Princess Mononoke (1997), which I am choosing as my representative for all Studio Ghibli movies. This is another movie that eventually led to a tattoo. Actually, I have two Studio Ghibli tattoos and will probably get some more, eventually. I think most people reading this would be at least somewhat familiar with Studio Ghibli and Hayao Miyazaki, so I won't try to mansplain his influence or accomplishments.
I would, however, like to mention that I chose Princess Mononoke specifically because it is, in my opinion, his best work (that I've seen). The themes of isolation that surround the two main characters, Ashitaka's specific heroic nature, which shines through his kindness, his more-or-less pacifist nature, and his veneration for nature, the futile hubris of human warfare and exploitation of the Earth and each other, and, of course, Miyazaki's famous feminist sentiment that is present in all of his movies... all of these themes are integral to a lot of Studio Ghibli work, but Princess Mononoke I think captures all of them so eloquently, and tells an objectively "epic" story, with beautiful and haunting visuals and masterful writing.
I would also like to take a second to quickly shout out a little-known queer icon: a working-class drag queen and survivor of the atomic bombing of Nagasaki, Akihiro Miwa, who passed away on June 20th of this year. Miwa voiced Moro (the wolf pictured in the still) in the original Japanese edition, and starred in the voice cast for Howl's Moving Castle (2004) as well.
I could not possibly write about media that shaped me without writing about the novel Parable of the Sower and its sequel Parable of the Talents, by Octavia E. Butler. It is impossible for me to overstate how important this book has been for me, and it is also impossible for me to overstate how urgent it is for others to read it.
I discovered this book during an interview for a potential house share in Denver before I moved there with my ex in 2020. The person whose house we were potentially to stay in asked if we knew who Octavia Butler was, and I, for some reason, said yes, thinking of Octavia Spencer. I was gently corrected and educated about Parable of the Sower, which had been surging in popularity, probably in part due to a 2020 podcast from activist/author adrienne maree brown and musician Toshi Reagon called Octavia's Parables that dove deep into the book series.
To put it briefly, the Parable books are about a version of the United States that has been completely ravaged by unchecked capitalism, greed, climate disaster, and fascism. By the way, the first book was published in 1993.
All of this sounds incredibly bleak, and it is, but in spite of it all, the Parable series is about hope. The driving force behind the books is a short poem that has impacted me so much, I have it memorized, even after a year or two passing since I last read it:
All that you touch, you Change. All that you Change, Changes you. The only lasting truth is Change. God is Change.
At first, these words are simple and might even feel cliché. However, in the context of the novel(s), this poem, among others, played a huge role in how the books impacted me. The Parable books are speculative fiction of a world that is actually not that hard for us to envision, 33 years after their release. In the books, Lauren Oya Olamina, introduced as a young woman in the year 2024, has written a series of poems that she has developed into a manifesto of sorts: Earthseed: The Books of the Living. Lauren lives with a disease called "hyper-empathy", which is a result of her mother's drug abuse while pregnant. This "hyper-empathy" causes her to take on the sensual experiences of others, uncontrollably, including pain and pleasure. After her home neighborhood is burned and looted by pyromaniac drug users, with her family and many of her neighbors dead, she starts a trek north in search of shelter. The philosophy that comprises Earthseed propels her forward, guides her actions, and in the second Parable book, proves itself as fruitful in commanding and encouraging human perseverance.
Despite the harrowing similarities to the world we live in now (in Parable of the Talents, released in 1998, the president's slogan is "Make America Great Again"), I cannot help but find so much comfort in these books. We have no choice but to surrender to Change. Change is the only constant in life. We have been changing since we were born, we will change until we die, and when we die, everything will still continue to change.
And speaking of Change, here's one of my favorite songs of all time, written by Adrianne Lenker and performed by her and her band Big Thief, which feels like a warm hug, a shoulder to cry on, and a reassuring pat on the back all at once.
Would you stare forever at the sun and never watch the moon rising? Would you walk forever in the light to never learn the secret of the quiet night?
God, that song is so good. I don't really have anything to say about it. Just listen, relax, and remember, "the only lasting truth is Change."
On that note, I'm trying to practice concision. I could write forever about music, movies, and books that have changed me, but instead, I'm just going to drop a few quick lists and wish everyone good luck during these trying times (midterms) and thanks for rocking with me, whoever is out there. Cheers, and take care of yourself and those around you.
!! POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR BASICALLY ALL OF THE BOOKS/VISUAL MEDIA MENTIONED IN THIS POST !! JUST GOOGLE FIRST !!
MY ESSENTIAL READING
Pedagogy of the Oppressed, Paulo Freire (this book is the reason I finally applied to go back to school)
Beloved, Toni Morrison (one of the hardest books I've ever read, but I could really recommend every Toni Morrison book, so pick your poison. Personally, I am happy I started with the hard stuff)
The Fa--ots & Their Friends Between Revolutions, Larry Mitchell (for the lovers, the dreamers, the commies, the queers)
Giovanni's Room, James Baldwin (I actually personally started with Baldwin's non-fiction, particularly Nobody Knows My Name, but Giovanni's Room will be one of the best books you ever read)
MY ESSENTIAL LISTENING
Dragon New Warm Mountain I Believe in You, Big Thief (features the song shared above, it's 80 minutes long, every minute matters)
Burn Your Fire For No Witness, Angel Olsen (haunting folk/rock, Angel Olsen is an out-of-this-world vocalist that got me through the loneliest winter of my life, alongside SOS by SZA)
Homogenic, Björk (on Apple Music's 100 Best Albums, if you listen, follow it up with the video of a children's choir singing "Jóga" on YouTube)
1990, Daniel Johnston (music for people with demons, RIP)
Maggot Brain, Funkadelic (just lay on the floor and press play)
MY ESSENTIAL VIEWING
Twin Peaks (1990-1991), Twin Peaks: The Return (2017), Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me (1992), created by David Lynch (I'm one of those guys, it took me a while to "get it" but once I did, I really "got it")
Little Miss Sunshine (2006), dir. by Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Faris (I thought everyone had seen this movie, but I recently learned that is not the case, so I have to include it)
Monster (2023), dir. by Hirokazu Kore-eda (Japanese coming-of-age physological drama/thriller, winner of the Queer Palm at Cannes, criminally underrated)
Neon Genesis Evangelion (1995-1996), The End of Evangelion (1997) dir. by Hideaki Anno (this also took me several tries, but I now consider it a masterpiece and a stunning insight on masculinity, patriarchy, and abuse, for those with eyes to see)
Pink Flamingos (1972), dir. by John Waters (not for the faint of heart, but absolutely iconic - John Waters is one of the most "American" people ever)
I might talk some more about any number of these works in the future, but for now, I'm just going to drop them and run.
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