living in a non-fiction world
Let's go make 100 friends! Say this aloud in this world, and you would be stared down to the earth. The amount of embarrassment to be felt will be more than one can acquire in their lifetime.
The number of times we have wished this world were like the world of our dreams. Everyone dreams. I know I do, and living in a world not made like the world of my dreams is so wrong.
Now let me tell you about the world of my dreams. I have always wanted to live in the same world as Komi Cannot Communicate. In this world, there is an introverted girl named Shoko Komi who wants to talk to people so badly, but whenever she tries, she just can't. So, she resorts to writing her words down in a book and showing it to people for them to read.
Oh, how I would like just to write down what I want to say in a paper and show it to others to read, without having to move the muscles of my face to say a word and just give a facial expression. I would love to be seen and not seen at the same time (paradox). Would love for the world to worship the ground I am on, but only from a distance, as they are afraid to approach me. These are the descriptions of Komi’s world I wish I were in. If you know Shoko Komi, welcome and make yourself comfortable.
My world is nothing like this. The reality I am faced with looks more like a nightmare—an energy-draining one—than a dream.
Why, you might ask? Well, it is because I also do not know how to communicate. The number of times I have tried to initiate a conversation but chickened out is alarming. Sometimes I even wished I could write down what I wanted to say and show it to people to read so that they could understand that I am not this way because I wanted to. Hoping they would not find it weird, but would take me as I am.
This brings me to another character who, I think, does not talk much in their world but still fits right in. In the We Bare Bears world, Ice Bear mostly never talks. He has gone many episodes without saying a word, using only facial expressions, and his brothers are comfortable with that, even accepting it. Which I find comforting, considering that face reading is not a thing in my world.
Let's take Komi again. She struggles to talk, yes, and the people in her world are really patient with her. Not in my world, though. In my world, if someone talks to you and you fail to respond quickly and in the right tone, you're seen as rude or haughty. If you are soft-spoken, have a default of not talking, and prefer being alone, you are seen as an odd person.
As an introvert, my ideal world is not the current non-fiction one I am in, but in Komi’s. It's probably the same for other introverts, but I doubt we have the same ideal world. Even though you may have a dream world different from mine, I hope you find solace in it as I do in mine most of the time. I find solace by rewatching the anime (I have watched it like 5 times) and reading the manga (almost done!).
I am so excited about the anime K-pop convention happening at UIC next week. It is the one day I believe all our worlds will come together as one, even if it is for one day. As for me, I plan to scavenge for Komi, and I hope to find her. And I am thinking of doing a Komi cosplay, cause why not? All I need is a book and a pen, and not to talk at all, just writing and facial expressions. The one day I can be Komi in a non-Komi world.
I just realized I wrote to you all like Komi lol. I communicated without speaking at all!
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