Ranking Midwest Foods with My Roommates

Eli Mirek
1 day ago
5 min read

Hi friends! Today, my roommates, Mick and Lloyd, and I will be ranking classic Midwestern dishes. The Midwest is known for some pretty crazy concoctions and meals that seem like random ingredients in the fridge were thrown into a casserole. Some seem pretty good but others... I'll just leave you to read this blog and determine for yourself.

A slight disclaimer: some of these dishes we have never tried before, and our rankings may be based on if we think they will be good.

Tator Tot Hot Dish

This dish is made of ground beef, tater tots, cheese, cream of mushroom, cream of celery, and much to my surprise, onion rings.

Eli: This has the potential to be great, but it seems like it could be dry if cooked poorly. 7/10

Mick: Oh my god I need that now. 10/10

Lloyd: HELL NO! You lost me at tater tots and onion rings and cream of mushroom and cream of celery. How is it possible to ruin ground beef? 2/10

Michigan Olive Burger

This burger was created in Lansing, MI! I have never heard of this burger (thankfully). It is a beef patty, cream cheese-pimento olive spread, Swiss cheese, and lettuce.

Eli: What the hell is this? I would never in a million years have this burger. I hate olives, and it just looks cold and like throw up. Makes me gag just looking at it. Michigan, I am sad your name is attached to this. 0/10

Mick: What even is that? It looks disgusting, what could the goo possibly be? I also hate olives. -100/10

Lloyd: Okay this does not sound that bad. A millennial hipster would totally sell this out of a "rustic" food truck in Nashville, TN for $20. As long as the cream cheese isn't overwhelming, I would eat this. 6/10

Strawberry Pretzel Salad

Ahhh a non-salad salad, typical Midwestern suburbia. This desert is made from pretzels, cream cheese whipped topping, Jell-O, and strawberries.

Eli: I do not know how to feel about this. I want to say I might like it, but I feel like the differing textures between the Jell-O and the pretzels will be gross. 5/10

Mick: BUSTTT I wish it was cream based Jell-O instead, and there should be chocolate involved, but this looks so good. 8/10

Lloyd: First of all, ew. Second, this has to feel like the same consistency as fresh roadkill. Absolutely not. 0/10

Runzas (Bierocks)

Simply enough, this Nebraska creation is just dough stuffed with ground beef, onion, and cabbage.

Eli: Classic and simple. I want to try it so bad, and I feel like it would be hard to ruin it. With some sauce, this would be unstoppable. 9/10

Mick: Like I guess I'd try it, but it doesn't look the best. I do love cabbage though. If it's buttered correctly, it has bust potential. 6/10

Lloyd: Perfect pocket snack. 10/10

Deviled Eggs

I have no explanation for this. I feel like everyone has had one once in their life.

Eli: Not the biggest fan, but not terrible. 6/10

Mick: HELL NAH 0/10 sorry I don't fw eggs like that.

Lloyd: Lowkey could eat a whole tray of these but have not admitted this until now. They do make me feel sick. 6/10

Pot Roast

Slow cooked beef with carrots and potatoes. Some also serve with mashed potatoes and gravy.

Eli: Get me to God's country. Serve this on my death bed. 10/10

Mick: OHHMYYY GODDDDDDD y'all already know how much I love pot roast. 10/10

Lloyd: I need it inside of me. 10/10

Puppy Chow

When one thinks of a Midwest snack, this has to come to mind. A mixture of Chex cereal, melted chocolate, peanut butter, and coated in powdered sugar.

Eli: How could you not love this???? I love chocolate, I love peanut butter, and I love sugar like.... This is an obvious 10/10 for me.

Mick: Classic, love it. 10/10

Lloyd: Can never get enough of this stuff. 11/10

Cincinnati Chili

Served over spaghetti, Cincinnati chili is seasoned with cinnamon, allspice, cloves, and chocolate.

Eli: Absolutely not. I love chili, but not with chocolate in it. I hate spaghetti. 0/10

Mick: Disgusting why does this exist. 0/10

Lloyd: Ew. I dislike chili and they somehow made it worse. 0/10

Cheese Curds

Fried cheese balls. What more could you want.

Eli: No brainer. With some ranch bro, god. 10/10

Mick: These with Culver's boom boom sauce. 8/10

Lloyd: Only works with mozzarella cheese. Make me feel absolutely disgusting. 3/10

Minnesota Sushi

Dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in ham.

Eli: I'm going to throw up. -5/10

Mick: I feel harassed just looking at this. -10/10

Lloyd: Idgaf I would smash this. This appeased my Eastern European taste buds. 7/10

Watergate Salad

Another non-salad: Pistachio pudding mix, canned pineapple, whipped topping, and nuts.

Eli: This is so extremely 70s Midwest, but I'm sorry, it does not sound good. 2/10

Mick: This actually looks so good. I feel like Kitty from That 70's Show would make this. I love pistachios and pineapple AND whipped topping, so this would be delicious. 9/10

Lloyd: Watergate salad? I'd rather be waterboarded. 0/10

Fried Pork Tenderloin

Oh, yes. Large pork tenderloin on hamburger buns, usually served with pickles and coleslaw.

Eli: I have never tried it, but they have these at Culver's, which I worked at for three years. It doesn't look bad! 7/10

Mick: Ugh yes, I would want the slaw to be creamier but that looks so good. 8/10

Lloyd: Dave's Hot Chicken take notes. This sounds delicious. 8/10

Buckeyes

Native to Ohio, buckeyes are a chocolate dipped peanut butter ball. It resembles the nuts from the American buckeye tree.

Eli: Holy crap, YES. I would prefer dark chocolate over milk chocolate dipping though. 9/10

Mick: Yes, depending on how hard the peanut butter is. I don't want to be working for it. 7/10

Lloyd: Beautiful and divine. The fruit that Eve ate in the Garden of Eden. 100/10

Chicken Dumpling Soup

Chicken and dumplings and soup.

Eli: Just imagine, it is a cold winter day. You've been outside for hours playing in the snow and come inside to the kitchen full of a wonderful smell. You and your family sit around the table, watching the snow fall outside, and you bond over this warm, special dish. 10/10

Mick: Y'all...... this is what would greet you at the gates of heaven. This looks like it would satiate all of my needs with one bite. My mom would make her own version of this in the winter when I was growing up, and it was one of my favorite meals. Need it now. 111/10

Lloyd: Now this is just ripping off Eastern Europeans, but I rock with it. Need this when I'm sick. 7/10

To end today's blog, I would like to say LISTEN TO MICK AND LLOYD'S SHOWS!!! Car Radio, hosted by Mick, is Wednesdays from 2-3PM, and Apokalypsis, hosted by Lloyd, is Tuesdays from 4-5PM! Apokalypsis is also a blog on Fridays at 12PM! Please check them out on uicradio.net or the Radio FX app.

Happy week before Thanksgiving break!

All recipes can be found on these websites:

All photos were sourced from these websites.