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I would like to consider myself a master at doing anything other than what I am supposed to be doing. And although the end of the semester is approaching, and we all have a lot of work to do, no one wants to do it. At least I know I don't. Why get it done ahead of time when you can procrastinate, and finally feel something, a rush of panic and then relief, when you turn it in 5 minutes before it's due? I know, tempting. And so, being the generous and gracious person I am, I am sharing with you my favorite things to do to avoid my responsibilities.
Eat and watch tv
Spend the money that you should be saving for rent and groceries
Doom scroll on your phone
Solve a Rubix cube
You've never been able to succeed before, but maybe this time will be different
Look at funny memes in an attempt to escape the dread
Pick up a new hobby, preferably something intricate and time consuming, like wood whittling
Think about all the things you should be doing instead until you work yourself into such a panic you feel like your brain is going to split in two
Remind yourself that it's just one assignment, and it won't really matter in the grand scheme of things if you get points deducted for turning it in late
Masturbate
Stare at the wall
Bonus points if you dissociate!
Sleep to silence your thoughts
Literally anything else (just not your homework)
And remember, your best work is always done when the adrenaline is pumping and you have less time than necessary to complete. So, thank me now and do your homework later!
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