Watch Who You Call Your Homie
There is a popular phrase "The enemy of my enemy is my friend" and it's the idea that we tend to like people who also dislike the people we dislike. I can't even imagine how many friendships started simply because two people realized they both disliked the same person. It sounds bad, but it can be comforting to know that you aren't the only one who feels a certain way about someone.
The opposite (and maybe less popular) part of this phrase would be, "The friend of my enemy is my enemy." This is the idea that it's harder to continue being friends with someone if they are friends with someone you don't like, or (and maybe even more importantly) friends with someone who doesn't like you.
I've started to realize in my life as well as my friend's lives that we tend to have friendships with people who have wronged our friends. An extremely common phrase I've heard people say is, "Well they didn't do anything to me." While yes this may be true, that doesn't make their behavior excusable. You don't have to stick your hand in a fire to know that it hurts to get burned. Someone doesn't need to personally wrong you for you to cut ties with them.
Now, your immediate question is probably, "Do I have to stop being friends with everybody that my other friends don't like?" To answer this, let me ask you a question: How close are you to both of these friends? Is there one friend that you have known longer or have a deeper connection with? I ask these questions because in order to make the decision of remaining friends with someone who has hurt your friend, you are going to have to evaluate each friendship. You see, depending on the situation you will be running the risk of potentially losing a friend. If you cut off the "enemy" then you and your friend remain friends, but if you remain friends with the "enemy" chances are your friend won't feel comfortable with that decision. This can create tension in the friendship, and the closer you become with the "enemy" the more you'll feel the need to sneak around in your other friendship.
Friendships can be tricky (and I occasionally find myself in these kinds of situations) but I've always found it weird to be extremely buddy buddy with someone who has hurt/wronged someone you are close friends with. It may never be your intention to make them feel bad, but it can sometimes feel imprudent to maintain a friendship with your friend's "enemy."
I believe that we should do our best to avoid becoming close to others that are friends with people who dislike you. Willingly putting yourself in a friendship with someone who is friends with your "enemy" can be extremely uncomfortable and (I think) unwise. I believe that we are a reflection of who we choose to be friends with, so I find it a little weird when people become close to someone who is friends with their "enemy" or on the other hand become friends with their friend's "enemy." If someone was your close friend then wouldn't you also have a problem with someone disliking them? I don't like when people speak negatively about my friends, so why would I then become friends with someone who I know thinks negatively about my friend?
Ask yourself, "Would I want my friends to be close with people I have issues with?" Chances are that you don't actually care, and to you the situation isn't that serious. To each their own right? But, if you actually are uncomfortable with it, why would you turn around and do that to your friend? I strongly believe that a friend to all is a friend to none. I love this phrase because it becomes truer everytime I say it. A friend to all truly is a friend to none. You don't need to be friends with everyone you meet, especially if this puts some of your other friends in an uncomfortable position. A key part of friendship is being considerate of the other person's feelings, and continuing in a close friendship with someone who has hurt your friend or thinks less of them can be seen as a little thoughtless.
We should all strive to be civil and cordial to everybody, but that doesn't automatically make everyone your close friend. A friend to all is a friend to none. It may seem like a nice idea to have an incredibly huge circle of close friends, but in reality this just doesn't work out because there are bound to be conflicts within the group. People in the group may say or do things that you don't agree/align with, and instead of ending that friendship, someone who is a "friend to all" will turn a blind eye in an attempt to not rock the boat. This not only makes you passive in your friendships, but you are also compromising your integrity. What sense does it make to continue to be friends with people who don't align with you?
Happy Thursday everybody! I hope you guys enjoyed this week's blog. I don't want to talk at you guys without giving possible solutions, so I'll give my two cents. Navigating friendships with people who don't like each other can be tricky. I think your best bet is to have a talk with both friends and truly ask them how your being friends with their "enemy" makes them feel. In situations like this, a conversation is sometimes all you need. You can honor both friendships by having a conversation with them, and the automatic answer doesn't even have to be that you cut someone off. You can just take a couple steps back in the friendship. Before you make any decisions make sure you understand just how much each friendship matters to you.
Thank you guys SO much for reading this week's blog. I hope you had a fantastic week and go on to have an even better weekend!
With LOVE Always,
~Side Note xoxo 💋!!
Yes! Friendships require consideration and commitment like any other relationship. If a person really values your friendship, they will consider you.