Why Spoons are the Hardest Instrument

@AbbytheSpoonLady on YouTube

In honor of Battle of the Bands being earlier this week, I have decided to write about a little musical hobby of mine. It is a instrument that goes by the name of spoons. And while you may think this is a trivial addition to any song, you would be sadly mistaken. For the spoons require the most advanced skills of any instrument, and I’m here to tell you why.

First and foremost, spoonists are rhythmic gods. They don’t have notes or sheet music, they just have the beat embedded into their being. Furthermore, it involves dexterity. Only the loosest of wrists can slap the spoons the way they’re meant to be. Playing the spoons involves ability, nuance, and emotional resonance.

Oh, so you thought that all there was to the spoons is metal clacking together? Wrong! We are percussive legends. To truly embody this lifestyle involves a sort of swagger that cannot be learned. You either have it or you don’t. Look at these two gangsters down below. They absolutely have it. You commonsfolk only dream about having such mega aura.

Artis the Spoon Man from Wikipedia

@SantaCruzFolkandWorldMusicVideos on YouTube

To all of those who laugh in the face of true music, I say grow up and get some taste. And to my fellow spoonists and spoon lovers, may your knees be unbruised and your cutlery melodic. And on a final note, please stop making fun of our name, spoonists demand and deserve only the utmost respect.

*I would like to thank Eli of Midwest Muse (shoutout, shoutout) for coming up with this genius blog idea when I was telling them about my talent at the radio retreat.